Monday, February 12, 2007

First grade, first day

When my son Steven came home from his first day at school, the first thing he asked his mother was:"Is mother f**ker a bad word?"

She punted. "Wait until your father gets home."

I figured if he had heard that word, surely he must have been exposed to others. So the two of us went to the den for some man talk.

Sure enough, he had a working vocabulary in cussing a blue streak. Patiently, I explained the meaning of each word. After about half an hour, I asked: "What do you think? Do you understand this stuff now?"

Steven shook his head. "I don't understand any of it."

So I took a deep breath and started over. After about fifteen minutes, I asked again: "What do you think?"

"I think habit's hard to break," the little guy said.

"What? I don't understand."

"Well, he reasoned, "when you say mother f**ker, it just feels good in your mouth."

I couldn't argue with such overwhelming logic.


Jeff Hebert said...

It really DOES feel good in the mouth, too. He had a real gift for evil, that kid.

I remember the first time I ever said the F word, we were pedaling home from visiting the video arcade. We'd heard some kid yell it when getting his butt whooped at "Galaga". My friend Louis and I thought it was just about the worst thing we'd ever heard in our whole lives, and we whispered it under our breath as we rode like the wind, figuring if no one else could hear us say it, somehow it wouldn't be wrong.

Sadly I got over that in a hurry and now drop the F Bomb more often than Anna Nicole dropped her pants. Dang, and here I promised not to speak ill of the dead! I'm such a motherf***er.

Denise said...

Embarrassingly, I have to agree with Jeff and Steven. Maybe it's because I work in a newsroom and the "F" word is an adjective, adverb, noun, verb, object of a proposition and all-around fabulous word it's become an almost impossible habit to break. I vowed to stop using profanity at the beginning of the year. Every time I said the "F" word, I vowed, I'd put a quarter in a jar on the copy desk. My co-worker said she was going to Hawaii this summer, courtesy of my mouth. Already, she's got enough change to make it to Las Vegas...

Anonymous said...

Bernie Mac on the etiology of the the word:

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