Thursday, April 19, 2007

Christmas comes early

Like most men, I'm not good about shopping. Any kind of shopping. Food, clothes, Christmas.

Especially Christmas. I had no idea what kind of present to buy. Knew even less about how much money to spend. For the first few years after my divorce, I over-spent on my kids. The bonanza ran into the thousands and I'm not a wealthy man. At least not in monetary terms.

I knew I needed to find a balance.

Perhaps it was the Merlot, but one evening the simple solution hit me: Buy everybody on my Christmas list the same present! The plan was genius-in-action. Just run out and buy 20 of the same thing. That would take care of kids and relatives and even old college buddies.

But what kind of identical present? That was the rub. What present would suit male and female, young and old, fun and crabby?

A clock! Of course. A clock knows neither rank nor station. And certainly has no gender. Time is the great equalizer in a democracy or any other form of government. A clock would be perfect for Americans as well as communists (and a few of my friends are suspect).

By the second year, people on my gift list began to get it. The Christmas clock was anticipated with the same quiver of anticipation normally reserved for the holiday fruitcake.

Why all this talk of Christmas in mid-April? Today, the Mystery Woman and I found 20 gizmos that tick and tock and rrring. On sale, too. I'm a happy man.

Now. If I could only figure out what to do about birthdays.

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