Saturday, August 18, 2007

New reality show: So you want to be a Geezer?

First, the disclaimer: I dislike the trend toward reality shows. A lot.

Sure, I understand the economics but I think the networks are dumbing down America with the likes of "Survivor." Pure pap.

At least there's decent leg art in "So You Think You Can Dance" but it's still pap. About the only decent genre is "Ice Road Truckers" on the History Channel. Don't miss the Ice Road marathon Sunday.

If the networks were paying attention to demographics (baby boomers) they would roll out a show called "So You Want to be a Geezer."

I'm serious and I've given this lots of thought.

To keep the excitement level fevered, we would break the show into segments.

Cognitive recognition:
--here's Medicare Part D. Choose the correct way to fill the doughnut.
--in three mumbles or less, explain Notch Baby.
--how does a reverse mortgage help old people more than lenders?

--you have five things wrong with you and only seven minutes with doctor. Choose which ailment gets priority.
--how many specialists must you see before getting relief for constipation?
--tell the truth, how long has it been since your colonoscopy?

--can you recite the History Channel schedule by memory?
--do you secretly hope Animal Planet will repeat the show about lions having sex?
--what do you think, does Katie Couric wear support hose?

--it's not whether you can see your toes; can put your socks on.
--are you the only one wearing a windbreaker and it's July?
--do your slacks have elastic waistbands? Do you wear them to Walgreens?

--can you name the day of the week without first consulting your pill dispenser?
--you're retired. how do you know if Monday is a holiday?
--can you remember when is your next doctor's appointment? which doctor?

Mobility (formerly known as sex):
--do bi-focals help when you are making love?
--you know what you want but can't remember the word?
--do you call KY geezer glide at Walgreens?

--who said, I'm getting so old that I pee in Morse Code? (Billy Crystal)
--who said, If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. (George Burns)
--who said, Life's a pretty good play, but the Third Act needs work? (Truman Capote)

Copyright: August 18, 2007.


Anonymous said...

Hilarious, George. Finally a reality show I could watch: AmericanGeezer. May I add a quote (for when you pitch this in LA)? who said, You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred? (Woody Allen)

Ken Martin said...

Wonderful, George. Which network are you going to pitch this idea to?

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree with you more!! i'm so tired of the so-called reality shows, I could throw my Geritol bottle(do you remember that)at the
Maybe people would be interested in the fact that I still look at pretty women---I don't remember why, I just do.---Goose

Anonymous said...

One of my favorites: "Learning and sex until rigor mortis"

-Maggie Kuhn, founder of the Grey Panthers

s.l.d. cowen (tuning in while "up east")

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