AARP -- Mission Accomplished?

Breaking news: research shows the average woman buys at least four handbags yearly. If you're due, you'll want to read Paula Marantz Cohen's advice on finding the right bag. No dummy, she is Distinguished Professor of English at Drexel University and has written several bestselling novels.

Weary of killing all those trees via the mail-order catalogs you didn't want in the first place? Help is here. A new online service called Catalog Choice is a good place to start. The site was developed by three nonprofit environmental groups. Your letter carrier will appreciate it, too.

Want to do something creative with your books? You can swap online at Book Mooch. Leave a book, take a book. Free. If you are curious, learn more. Yes, books kill trees. But so do Plymouths. Huh?

Bottom line, here's the difference between Democrats and Republicans. As you know, my main man, Stephen Colbert, is running for President ONLY in South Carolina. And he's running in both parties. The cost to file as a Democrat, $2,500. To file as a Republican, $35,000. Say no more.

UPDATE: it's been nearly 50 years since AARP, the largest lobby organization in the world, was founded. And Medicare is still a mess. Reliable sources report Social Security is, too, still a mess.