Friday, March 14, 2008

"Expletive deleted " Grackles!

I hate grackles. They are smart enough to know it. And retaliate.

Once I pulled into a parking space at the grocery and a grackle hopped on the hood of my car. Naturally, I shooed it away. When I returned, my windshield was splattered with three direct hits. It was direct cause-and-effect.

Most real Texans hate grackles, too. Bird lover are just wrong on this one. Dead wrong. Grackles are noisy, aggressive thieves with an ugly, awful sound. An electric gurgling sound. And their droppings stink from Kansas to Chile.

Check out downtown Austin just before dusk. You’ll think you are in the middle of a movie shoot. Alfred Hitchcock, indeed.

Since I converted from fundamentalist to liberalism, I stopped killing things. However, I would shoot, kill, stomp, maim, and flush a grackle in a heart beat. But they are protected by a bone-headed federal law because they are migratory birds.

I had a friend who was a crack shot. He would drink a little wine and drive around town in his van armed with air pistols. Puff. Cloud of feathers. Problem solved. Another grackle gone. My buddy was too kind. I think a Gatlin gun more appropriate.

Nothing short of death works. Cities have waged war with shotguns (real and recorded), screeches from predator birds (real and recorded) and other devices aimed at startling the glossy, iridescent pests away. To no avail.

I’m thinking of breeding owls -- for fun and profit.


The South Plainsman said...

I was sitting out on my back porch last night watching my dog, sipping an adult beverage, and listenting to some music. (Its wonderful being retired!) The grackles came back to our neighborhood yesterday, having migrated for the winter to your part of the country. Thought about writing a blog about it, but got otherwise employed this morning.

Of course the mourning doves and the whitewing doves mostly wintered here, but some that migrated showed up about three weeks ago. Their calls in the morning and evening are quite soothing. Then came the robins. Now the grackles. Spring must be close. There are very few bugs yet, so the mockingbirds will wait a while, I suppose.

Although the fruit trees are in bloom, the other trees are still just in bud.

The wind is up today, but no dust, yet. At least the breeze is warm, not cold.

To my dog's delight and frustration, the squirrels are active. They like to come along the top of the fence to the bird bath. Sassy cannot quite get to them, but she tries. She almost caught one once. She has caught several birds...after all she is a bird English Setter. She will proudly bring the remains into the house to show us. Glad she can't catch the squirrels.

She does, however, keep the grackles in the neighbor's yard.

Buy a bird dog.

Anonymous said...

Grackles and Starlings are not birds!! Regardless of what the government says,the so called 'birds' are actually beings sent from hell to agravate us and our outdoor cookout habits. I too have stopped killing things;er-- except for deer,elk,bear,cougar,javelina,quail,and pheasant.Occasionally I will shoot a rabbit,but only after I have ascertained that it was about to attack me.
You can shoot the offensive satanic creatures with a .22 loaded with calibri ammo.These little bullets are fired single shot style and make very little noise since the bullet is propelled by the energy from the primer alone. There is no gunpowder in the cartridges.
Happy bird 'removing'------Goose

Anonymous said...

One evening, I was out at the local Jack in the Box, and the screeching from the grackles in the trees there was enough to deafen a person. Literally, there were at least a hundred in each tree. The managers tried everything and eventually ended up lopping off the tops of the trees, much as crepe myrtle wackos do every spring to those beautiful trees. But nothing short of that will get rid of them and that loud screeching and lethal pooping. Is the reason we see so few bluebirds and songbirds because of these "protected" nuisances? -- Denise

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Thank you to all who share my extreme hatred of these evil creatures. I never knew what they were until I put in a swimming pool.Now I have learned that they fill my pool with their crap every spring because they clean out their nest and head for the nearest body of water, to dump it into! My pool and concrete deck are so covered in crap that you can't even walk on it. It is really disgusting, and just devastating to see your property damaged, and be helpless to do anything about it.How can I kill them? Anyone know?

Anonymous said...

I googled "why are grackels protected" and got the quote from the a918 migratory bird law that you referred to. HOWEVER, it also gives folks the right to kill them without a license or permit if they are a nuisance or gather in such numbers as to be a health hazard. These infestations qualify. KILL 'EM DEAD!

Anonymous said...

Grackles are possessed with disembodied evil spirits, I kid you not. They are smart for this reason, smarter than they should be.
I put out some rodent killer that the birds love (we were INFESTED with hundreds of birds of every stripe, and tons of poop, in a tree that impacts the lives of quite a few humans) and these grackles are too smart to eat the stuff. One alpha male goes insane when he sees me, screaming his head off. A baby grackle stumbled onto my patio. I surely did not want the miserable thing there. I shooed it away. The alpha male has been targeting me and swooping overhead ever since. I told him to come down to my level so I could rip his wings off. Protected species? Ridiculous. These birds are a menace to humans and should be eradicated in areas where they are a threat to people.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Sounds fun. I wish we had Grackles here!

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