Monday, June 30, 2008

Weeds and new journalists

In the world of sprinters, the 100 is an optical illusion. Nobody can run full-out for 100 meters. Ergo, the winner is not the person who can speed up the most at the finish, but the runner who slows down the least.

Albanian dogs go “ham, ham” and not “woof, woof.” Hungarian pigs go “rof rof rof” not “oink oink.” In both countries, dumb asses sound the same.

I think Adrianna Huffington said it first, but I wish I had: “Karl Rove has fallen so low he’s now working in journalism.”

“American Graffiti” is so dated. How can you tell? It’s not the cars; it’s that teenagers can still afford gas in their cars for summer cruising. No more. Register those kids to vote!

The cover story in the NY Times magazine deals with Eurpoe’s falling birthrate. The writer asks: “Will Europe as we know it just peter out?” That’s graphic.

What’s a weed? Seriously. Isn’t it a matter of personal judgment? Many of the noxious plants targeted for destruction were deliberately introduced into the U.S. by people absolutely convinced of their beauty or utility. Farmers define weeds as any plant that interferes with profit. To Ralph Waldo Emerson a weed was “a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.” Ralph never met kudzu.


Ken Martin said...

As for weeds, I'm currently waging war against Morning Glories. The flowers are a gorgeous blue and the plant is amazingly prolific. But they are also parasites living on my Mutabalis rose bushes and choking them nearly to death. The Morning Glory vines cover the ground beneath the rose bushes like a dense woven mat, then send tendrils curling up and around nearly every branch of the roses. It's a jungle out there and my motto is, Death to the Morning Glories!

By the way, the Morning Glories started with an innocent few seeds planted in a flower pot by my now deceased mother-in-law. Talk about good intentions gone bad.

The South Plainsman said...

As a former sprinter whose specialty was the 100 yard dash, let me be the first to correct you. A sprinter will tighten up and slow a little near the finish line only if he fails to run through the line instead of to the line. If one is aiming at the line, he or she will certainly begin to tighten up as he or she approaches it. If you run like you are running a 150 yard dash, then you shouldn't tighten up. If you try to speed up at the finish line, you are done.

Ken, morning glories are weeds sure enough. They are as hard to kill as vinca minor, and once establihed, are almost impossible to get rid of. Ask any farmer how he likes morning glories. I have some in my alley that Roundup doesn't faze.

Anonymous said...

If you ever saw the south plainsman run the 100 with those steel knee hinges, you know that he couldn't slow down before the end of the race unless he started at 50 yds.---Goose

The South Plainsman said...

I dropped from a 10.4 to a 9.8 when I took off the brace. Now I need a new knee.

ArchGrafiX said...

I agree with the notion that weeds are a matter of preference. I dislike the idea of lawns, anyway. No diversity, just green. Golf got that started. I want to raise stinging nettle for its healing ability to help my psoriasis. Alternatively, give me a path through a meadowed yard any day. But luckily for my daily-lawn-maintaining neighbors in Sun City, there are covenants here to control the likes of me. My brother has been trying to get his Morning Glories to grow for two years. He says something ate 'em. Go figure. One man's weed is another man's rose. I'm moving to the country as soon as I am able. I can't believe older adults let themselves be dictated to like they are here. I think it's a tradeoff to be "safe" from the young...

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