Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Talking dirty

Note: you must be 18 or older to read this.

I direct your attention to the goings on in our front lawn.

Surprisingly, we have more yard critters in MN than in TX. The Mystery Woman (not-her-real-name) has an easy explanation: it’s because we live but six blocks from the Mississippi. But we’re in the middle of a big city.

There are no snakes, other than the usual politicians and faulty priests.

Bunnies abound. Yeah, yeah, I know all the rabbit jokes. But we have feral yard bunnies just a mile or so from downtown Minneapolis.

This year, we picked up a chipmunk in our menagerie. The little bugger dug a hole under the sidewalk and has his way with all our plants.

The squirrels are in constant rut. We must have a very special lady squirrel. Sometimes it’s five against one. With total abandonment, the rodents start at ground level but soon are swooning in the treetops, adding an element of danger. The acrobatics have been going on for a couple of weeks.

The **@##** grackles are smaller and, thankfully, quieter. Locals call them crows. The robins up here are bigger. Scruffier, too. I think it must be the hard winters.

To my astonishment, we have earthworms. Lots of them. How do they survive living encased in the frozen tundra during Minnesota winters?

Pity the earthworms. I read that frisky worms, who are lucky enough to find one another, lay head to tail (in states where permitted) …

Hmmm.You think I’m spending too much time on this porch?


Jeff Hebert said...

You'll know you've been out there too long when the critters start looking goooood.

Which, I hasten to add, has not yet happened to me.

Ken Martin said...

Your yard is a lot more interesting that ours, George. All we have is birds (many varieties), squirrels aplenty in our pecan trees, when they're not destroying our tomatoes, that is, and a possum family. If we didn't have two large Labrador retrievers there would probably be much more, of course.

Anonymous said...

We,ve got the usual back yard menagerie.Squirrels,blue jays,mocking birds,cardinals and a myriad of other birds.Of course we have a bird feeder that draws them. Whoops I forgot the humming birds.
Here in the city we have bobcats and a few coyotes that are attempting to regain their territory.
When the squirrels start getting frisky,I don't pay much attention.
I'm too busy smoking my cigars and drinking coffee.
My Doberman has made a friend of one of the squirrels.First the dog will chase the squirrel across the yard,then the squirrel chases the dog across the other way. This lasts until one of them gets too tired.Then the squirrel climbs a tree and goes about his business.
I bought my wife a spotting scope
so she could look out the window at all the critters.--Goose

Anonymous said...

PS-- I forgot, we've also got spiders. In fact a brown recluse decided to practice biting on my ankle. It has been a horror story.
It started out as a very small red spot, and now it's the size of a couple of silver dollars.(remember those??)I've spent more time in the doctors office than at work. The doctor did tell me last night that we were winning the battle,but she,Yes Mr. liberal the doc is a lady and she's BLACK.
We'll know in a few days how the new meds work. they are supposed to be very potent.----Goose

Anonymous said...

isn't frozen and tundra redundant? Probably not in that ice box Minnesota!

The South Plainsman said...

Sorry I was busy and didn't get to comment when this was posted. Us old Geezers like porches and lawns and the like. I spend 2 or 3 hours a day on my back porch. We have all kinds of critturs, but most don't get too close. My dog, Sassy, is a Lewellyn Setter, and she hunts relentlessly. Birds, squirrels, bees, butterflys....nothing is safe. She has caught some of all of them but the squirrels so far. She gets pretty close to the squirrel, though.

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