Monday, August 18, 2008

How the ultra-liberal New York Times ruined our neighborhood while pandering to Republicans

Now they’ve gone too far. The ultra-liberal New York Times has blatantly pandered to the aimless Republicans coming to the Twin Cities for their national convention. And they’ve ruined our neighborhood in the process.

Under the “36 Hours” column, the Times lists the top ten things to do while in Minneapolis/St.Paul. Number One tout is a day trip to Minnehaha Falls, which is only six blocks from our house.

For you unwashed, the 53-foot Minnehaha Falls inspired Henry Wadsworth Longfellow to write “The Song of Hiawatha” without ever having seen the falls. He made some cultural mistakes, but nevertheless, it was the first piece of American literature sympathetic to the plight of the American Indians written by a white man.

We love that park. It’s a step back in time. Just this week, we listened to some blues at the band shell where the combo belted out their best for an audience of fifty. At sundown. You bet’cha. The day before, we wanted to hear some hot licks from the Inver Hills Community Band but got there too late. Earlier this summer, we walked to the park to participate in Norwegian Day where the oom-pa-pa band provided the ambiance for all the Ole and Lena jokes from the MC. If you’ve ever heard Aggie jokes or Polish jokes, you know the Ole and Lena jokes. Each is hardcore corn.

And now the NYTimes has to go and ruin it all by revealing this urban jewel to those GOP hordes. Why this park? Minneapolis has 149 other parks and lakes. From now on, when my conservative friends wail about the Times, I shall nod. Knowingly.

Thank god they stopped at the Top Ten. I’m afraid Number Eleven would be our front porch. Oh, what the hell. It’s a small porch with a big heart. Come see us.

Gotta go. Eighteen bicyclists are coming down our street and I have to wave the flag and cheer them on. Then I have to walk up to the school yard and shoot a few hoops before the sun gets any higher. Seriously.


Anonymous said...

At last some true culture will reign in the Twin Cities.It will however last only a few days,unless some liberals(who will remain nameless)decide that the Twin cities has finally arrived and will share their knowledge among the previous heretofore unwashed.---Goose

Lars said...

Just be thankful you don't have to entertain the Edwards and the Clintons. Talk about hide the women and children!

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