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BREAKING NEWS from The Onion: Al Gore Places Infant Son in Rocket to Escape Dying Planet.

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A reader writes: I have been reading a book about aging called The Measure of My Days by Florida Scott-Maxwell. Here is a quotation I like:

Age is truly a time of heroic helplessness. One is confronted by one's own incorrigibility. I am always saying to myself, "Look at you, and after a lifetime of trying." I still have the vices that I have known and struggled with—well it seems like since birth. Many of them are modified, but not much.

What’s your favorite? Send it to me via email: info@texasweekly.com

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English is a tough language. Playwright George Bernard Shaw was fond of pointing out that the word "ghoti" could just as well be pronounced "fish" if you followed common pronunciation: 'gh' as in "tough," 'o' as in "women" and 'ti' as in "nation." And he was a playright.

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Now we’re in trouble. The NY Times reports that with new analytical techniques, a fingerprint can reveal not only the identity of the person – but also what the person was last touching. Such as drugs, explosives, poisons, or cookie jars.