Monday, February 2, 2009

Ground Hog Day

Something a Texan would never know about Minnesota winters: when the temperature peeps above freezing, the lines at the car wash can back up for miles. And most people keep a spare hair dryer in the garage – the slush can freeze car doors shut overnight.

Clint Eastwood has done it again. Remember when Dirty Harry said: ”Go ahead, punk, make my day.” In his new movie, Gran Torino (recommended) his new line is sure to become just as iconic when he growls: “Get off my lawn.” Geezers relate.

Roughly, there are 1,500 malls in the U.S. And that number is going south. Many malls are ailing, dying or dead. Go to deadmalls.com to see which shopping centers are wearing toe-tags.

Coming soon to your innards, a mechanical pill that can let the doctor know when it is in the right location in your body, thereby concentrating its healing potion to the right part of your body. The iPill will navigate its fantastic voyage dispensing meds along the way to hot spots. Soon, the pill can call the doctors. Shazam.

Getting cremated? Before you pay $3,000 to a funeral home for the urn, check out discount department stores where you can find containers for only twenty bucks. If you want to learn more about other funeral savings, contact the Austin Memorial and Burial Information Society (AMBIS) at 512-480-0555. Most big cities have similar societies.

5 comments:

Jeff Hebert said...

I wonder how big an urn a dead mall would need ...

Ken Martin said...

Good stuff, George, but it's Gran (with no d on the end) Torino. Good film, but no Oscar nods for Eastwood this go-round. Isn't it great to see a 78-year-old actor and director still making movies you want to see?

We used AMBIS to find low-price cremation services for my mother-in-law in Austin. The ashes came in a box. We kept the box in a closet for a couple of years till we could go to N'Awlins and dump 'em in the Mississippi like she wanted. No urn required.

George Phenix said...

Oops. I made the fix. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

George, I went down to a local funeral home (AMBIS member) last week to see about their charges for cremation. Neither my wife nor I want the ashes back. State law says we have to take them. The guy told me the would put them in a bio-degradable box that has a small tree in it. It also has fertilizer in the package to make the tree grog. You just bury it in your yard and a tree grows out of it. Cost $24. You might want to put a small fence around it to keep the dogs from pissing on you. Raymond

The South Plainsman said...

Good info, George.

Just saw Gran Torino this weekend. Great movies. One rarely sees one these days.

Clint Eastwood has been one of my favorites since he played Rowdy Yates on Rawhide.

He is one of the very few real men left in Hollywood.

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