Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Neanderthals, Tom DeLay, chirp speed

Test show that Neanderthals had difficulty perceiving bitter tastes. Of course, Brussels sprouts had not been invented. Nor second marriages.

Ahh, the D-list. Disgraced former GOP House Majority Leader Tom DeLay has signed on for this season’s “Dancing With the Stars.” He’s famous for his Texas Two-Step, metaphorically speaking.

Take your pick. Adherents to the John Wayne, Sylvester Stallone archetype of masculinity and the notion that real men don’t get sick – please note, it actually makes men sick. Alan Alda, the wuss, played a doctor in M.A.S.H. This just in: women continue to outlive men by about five years.

This is complicated so pay attention: Cricket metabolism and chirping speed vary with the ambient temperature. The snowy tree cricket is so dependable that Dolbar’s Law provides a temperature gauge: count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and add 40 for the temperature in Fahrenheit. If you're in a hurry, tune in the Weather Channel.

With all the data mining going on in government computers, the old job with new appeal is statistician. Encourage your kid to wonk out on randomization, parameters, regressions and data clusters. The money’s good. Fuzzy-faced college kids can earn $125,000 with that Ph.D.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah, DeLay in showbiz as a dancer...break a leg Tommy boy and I really mean it.

The South Plainsman said...

Even the opportunity to watch DeLay make a fool of himself, again, will not induce me to watch a minute of that show.

I will take Big John and Alan, you can keep Rocky.

You know there are liars, damned liars, and statisticians. Then, worse than those, there are politicians.

Anonymous said...

As an engineer, out of contact with anything except math and facts, who is tom delay?
JR

Blog of Ages said...

He is a sleaze who paved K St. with gold while he was in Congress. But don't take my word for it.

From US News

10 Things You Didn't Know About Tom DeLay
By Queenie Wong
Posted August 17, 2009

1. Thomas Dale DeLay was born on April 8, 1947, in Laredo, Texas. He spent most of his childhood in Venezuela where his father worked in the petroleum and natural gas industry until his family had enough money to move back to Texas.

2. He married his high school sweetheart, Christine, in 1967.

3. DeLay graduated from the University of Houston in 1970, receiving his B.S. in biology. He was previously expelled for vandalism as a pre-med student at Baylor University after he was caught painting the school's colors, green and gold, onto the buildings of the rival college, Texas A&M University.

4. After college, he worked for the pesticide maker Redwood Chemical. He then started his own exterminating business, Albo Pest Control.

5. DeLay began serving in the Texas Legislature in 1978. His drinking habits and reputation as a playboy earned him the nickname "Hot Tub Tom."

6. In 1984, DeLay was elected to represent the 22nd District of Texas in the U.S. House of Representatives.

7. He was elected majority whip in 1994 and was referred to as "the Hammer
" for the way he attacked his legislative agenda and his congressional opponents.

8. A series of corruption allegations, stemming from a long-running campaign finance investigation into the 2002 Texas legislative races, forced DeLay to resign from his post as majority leader in September 2005. The following April, he decided to leave Congress altogether.

9. In 2007, he coauthored the New York Times bestseller No Retreat, No Surrender: One American's Fight.

10. DeLay was chosen to join 15 celebrities as a contestant for the ninth season of the ABC show Dancing With the Stars.

Anonymous said...

I suppose that at least one positive out of his resume is that he has a birth certificate from the USA, although many will argue that Laredo marginally qualifies.Shows what kind of network ABC is! Thanks for the info
JR

Cowtown Pattie said...

What?????

I thought Tom DeLay made potato chips?

drum roll please....

Molly Ivins had a great column on Tommy Boy

(Pay attention to the description "frog-hopping")

Dang, I miss ol' Molly and her fire-brand views.

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