Thursday, December 17, 2009

Did L.M. Boyd start this way?

An apple a day can make millions. Ask the nerds at the University of Minnesota who just built the world’s 67th largest computer and financed three million of the cost with the sale of Honeycrisp apples. To date, the apples are the U’s marquee intellectual property. But the SweeTango is waiting in the wings. This new Minnesota apple is expected to generate $30 million annually.

Believe me, honey. It’s cheaper for you to rent that fancy dress than it is to buy it. Even if you wear the finery ten times. Rent the Runway will put you in a fancy designer dress for $50 to $200, a tenth of what it ordinarily costs. Trust me.

The top job is vacant in Seborga (pop 2,000, the five-mile square principality snuggled near the beaches of the Rivera and the Alps. Their prince died. Prince Giorgio was also known as His Tremendousness. More amazing, he was not born to the job; he was elected.

It’s back. Starting today, you can buy a square seedless watermelon in NYC. At Agata & Valentine, Graces, Marketplace and Kings Super Markets. You see a lot of these at Goldman Sachs. Cost: $75. Seventy-five bucks? Some old boy is laughing his ass off in the back of the truck.

It’s probably the same guy who is selling New Yorkers bacon-flavored dental floss. Available at E.A.T for six bucks.

2 comments:

Ken Martin said...

Re: "Some old boy is laughing his ass off in the back of the truck." Reminds me of a Lou Reed lyric for "Dirty Boulevard" from his "New York" album:

Pedro lives out of the Wilshire Hotel
he looks out a window without glass
The walls are made of cardboard, newspapers on his feet
...
This room cost 2,000 dollars a month
you can believe it man it's true
somewhere a landlord's laughing till he wets his pants

Seems like everything costs more in NYCity, including the watermelons.

Desman said...

Sorry Geezerville, Apple mecca is Warwick, NY. Come visit us for Applefest next year, first Sunday in October.

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