Monday, January 11, 2010

Old people say the darndest things

A college buddy says he married two women from the same barstool.

Another says he always thought his wife really wanted to be a widow.

This from a sorority sister: ”We had four children. Five, if you count my ex husband.”

"Wear old shoes." That's the caution carried in the newspaper's weather report. A modest thaw is predicted and apparently the toxic waste from de-icing attempts will curl your toes.

Know what I just figured out? Minneapolis is having a really bad winter with all the snow, ice and sub zero temps – but nobody told me. Being the new guy, I thought this weather was normal. Norwegians are sneaky.

Another thing – nobody will tell me how you know if yogurt has gone bad.

Young dodder plants can detect nearby a tomato plant, grow toward it, encircle the hapless victim and suck the life phloem right out of it. Then it goes to law school.

Was this headline in Slate written on purpose? “Obama Will Brief Nation on Underwear Investigation.”

Research indicates the rise in evangelical Christianity is driving moderate Christians to abandon the religion altogether.

2 comments:

Ross said...

All good headlines are intentional, and all bad ones are mistakes....

Ken Martin said...

Good catch on the headline, George. Sounds like something that came out of the Onion, e.g., "Redwood tree completes 300 year plan to lean slightly to the left." It didn't take me that long.

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