Aging: you say potato, I say baloney

What the hell is successful aging?

An 85-year-old woman down in Austin, Texas, says it’s anyone who is still playing above the grass. Read more.

Hugh Hefner says it’s getting laid two or three times a week. He must have good health insurance; Medicare only pays for four of those little blue pills per month.

I dunno. I think it’s personal. To me, Mick Jagger’s strut is not nearly as satisfying as Tony Bennet’s cool.

And the only time I ever wanted to jump out of an airplane was right after that John Wayne movie about WWII. You want to jump when you’re 70? Be my guest. You’ll lose your dentures.

But ever since 70 became the new 40, skydiving has become part of the new aging narrative. You’d think everybody is doing it.

Not so. This is Tea Party aging. Extremist.

Most of us in the middle know successful aging begins with a functioning large intestine. A good book before the afternoon nap. Maybe a nice walk at sundown with our favorite squeeze. Good wine, reasonably priced. And enough sense to stop with the wine before starting with the emails.

Successful aging, I think, is doing the best with what you have left without too much whining. Not dying. That's what I would call successful aging.

Note to Hef: have you ever considered large print editions? Some only buy the magazine for the articles. And the fact-checking.