Monday, July 12, 2010

Aging: you say potato, I say baloney

What the hell is successful aging?

An 85-year-old woman down in Austin, Texas, says it’s anyone who is still playing above the grass. Read more.

Hugh Hefner says it’s getting laid two or three times a week. He must have good health insurance; Medicare only pays for four of those little blue pills per month.

I dunno. I think it’s personal. To me, Mick Jagger’s strut is not nearly as satisfying as Tony Bennet’s cool.

And the only time I ever wanted to jump out of an airplane was right after that John Wayne movie about WWII. You want to jump when you’re 70? Be my guest. You’ll lose your dentures.

But ever since 70 became the new 40, skydiving has become part of the new aging narrative. You’d think everybody is doing it.

Not so. This is Tea Party aging. Extremist.

Most of us in the middle know successful aging begins with a functioning large intestine. A good book before the afternoon nap. Maybe a nice walk at sundown with our favorite squeeze. Good wine, reasonably priced. And enough sense to stop with the wine before starting with the emails.

Successful aging, I think, is doing the best with what you have left without too much whining. Not dying. That's what I would call successful aging.

Note to Hef: have you ever considered large print editions? Some only buy the magazine for the articles. And the fact-checking.


The South Plainsman said...

I'm with you on Tony Bennet.

I have never, ever wanted to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.

I did have a freind one time that tried to carry a parachute on a Continental Airlines flight. He was denied. Had to check it.

He was going to pick up an antique aircraft. He flew it home, and promptly crashed it into the 9th green at the local country club while buzzing the golfers. Never got to use the parachute.

He did survive having broken literally every bone in his body.

The South Plainsman said...

By the way: I always wanted Hefner to print in braille.


AustinBulldog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

We have a 96 year old lady here, a beautiful and friendly person, she walks to dinner, goes shopping, church and plays the piano by ear. Probably has arthiritis in her fingers. Bill

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