Straight face. Keep a straight face

Perhaps you read that the new tea bag darling, Christine O’Donnell, is opposed to masturbating. That prompted one satirist to threaten staging a “Million Masturbators March” on Washington. Admire my restraint. Please.

Hang on. By the year 2020 there will be 123 million highly skilled jobs available but only 50 million Americans qualified to perform the work. All the rest will be tea baggers.

More numbers. The largest segment of Glenn Beck’s audience is over 65, while the largest segment that watches the Daily Show and the Colbert Report is under 30. Honey, we’re au courant.

Actress Martha Plimpton on Glenn Beck -- I don’t think he hears anything outside the H-bombs going off in his head. It’s just calliope music and gunfire in there.

The desktop fan was the first mechanical household appliance to use electricity. The Edco fan hit the market in 1883. Hot air has been with us a long time.