Sunday, March 27, 2011

Hurts too much to kick the bucket

This is about Me.

I discovered the hard way that I’m in a high-tone fraternity that includes: Henry VIII, Khubilai Khan, Nostradamus, John Milton, Isaac Newton, Alfred Lord Tennyson, George IV, John Hancock, Thomas Jefferson and other lesser luminaries.

We each know gout on a profane level. When something hurts this much, you damn right it’s profane.

The pain is caused by uric acid crystals which form in the joints of your foot and toes and stick out backwards. The smallest movement hurts. Even a bed sheet hurts. Forget about walking. Pray you don’t have to go to the bathroom very often.

Gout can be a gateway to Parkinson’s Disease, heart attack, high blood pressure, kidney stones and, I’m convinced, insanity. The pain drives you mad.

For years, medicos have pushed the stereotype that booze and rich foods enable gout to attack. Recently, they have begun to wonder if metabolism can be a contributing factor.

I will stipulate that decades of hard drinking never hurt as much as ten days of gout. That’s about how long my attacks persist. Ten days.

This time, something strange is going on. The doc gave me steroids, which calmed the left foot – only to have symptoms show up in the right foot a few days later. That defies logic.

The Mystery Woman says one foot likely caught it from the other because they were sleeping together.


Anonymous said...

I am feeling really bad for you and then I read your last sentence and laugh!!!! Take care!

Denise said...

I feel for you, George. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon. Until then, maybe 10 days of booze ain't such a bad idea! -- Denise

Mike said...

Humor in the midst of pain..excellent! Hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

She's smarter than you, you know.

The South Plainsman said...

Been there, done that, have a dozen or more T-shirts. The worst pain imaginable.

I am one of those fortunate enough to be able to take allopurinol daily. Have not had an attack since I started.

Heat will sometimes help.

Best wishes.

Lillah said...

there are a few new meds out there for gout now C has been on uloric for a bit as well as cataflam and the combo seems to work well in stopping small attacks and lessening large attacks. C's triggers have been but not limited to as well as not causing all the time if ingested in small amounts red meat, beer and hard liquor. red meat being the biggest trigger. call if your up to it, LOL.

donnie pee said...

i've got a dandy pot cookie (make em myself)here george. i just ate one -- ya know. midday sunday, kickin back -- and there is no sign gout. the cookie is way better than menthalatum. abrazos, dom

Paula said...

There also are a host of foods that can kick off an episode. Had any asparagus lately?
Also, booze and steroids don't mix.
Sorry to hear this. I think you should follow MW's advice and not let those legs commiserate, as it were.
Feel better!

AustinBulldog said...

A person's ability to write about oneself and rise above the situation through reasoning and humor is the mark of talent. So take it as a compliment that you are suffering for your art, George. Better yet, to hell with the literature, get well, and figure out how to stop these attacks.

Laura Burns said...

Eating low fat yogurt may help, I have read. Sorry you are hurting. I just have somewhat arthritic knees and that is bad enough.

Milady said...

Melanie here! I enjoyed this piece, please email me--I have a question about your blog. MelanieLBowen[at]gmail[dot]com

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