Thursday, September 29, 2011

This is highbrow stuff

A reader writes: “I saw a sign on Facebook that said, ‘I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one.’”

Do you think Chris Christie is jockeying to be named GOP veep? Could explain his adult onset of coy.

Sarah Palin, God bless her, says the title would shackle her. What title? President of the United States. That title. Her statement requires a mandatory suspension of disbelief.

"We have this fantasy that our interests and the interests of the super rich are the same. Like somehow the rich will eventually get so full that they'll explode. And the candy will rain down on the rest of us. Like there's some kind of pinata of benevolence. But here's the thing about a pinata, it doesn't open on its own. You have to beat it with a stick." — Bill Maher.

The New World Order: Cheech and Chong are in new web commercials selling special brownies. For Fiber One.

When she lured me to Minneapolis, the Mystery Woman conveniently forgot to tell me about the weather. Not the ice and snow and cold. Rather, the extremes. Minnesota and N. Dakota are tied for the most extreme weather in the US of A. And America has the most consistent extreme weather than any other nation on this earth. Elder abuse?

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

It ain't over til the fat man sings

Hopefully, Chris Christie will keep his word and will not run for president. It’s not that I am afraid he might win. I’m afraid he might die.

The man is morbidly obese and the rigors of a presidential campaign are excruciating. His heft puts him at serious risk. He’s a young man with a family. Too risky.

That said, I don’t think Christie ultimately could pass the Tea Party/GOP litmus test. Remember, he appointed a Muslim judge and said talk of Sharia law was “crazy.” Christie is soft on guns and gay marriage and he might actually believe in science saying “global warming is real.”

His pugnacious style reminds me of what Rick Perry could be if he really tried.

OK. I’m wrong. Too subtle. Both are bullies. Of course, that defines the Tea Party BFF. Bullies.

Here’s my strong suggestion for Gov. Christie: take a pass this election cycle, get healthy and make a run in four years. Then we could all have some fun.

Meanwhile, cut the coy crap.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Tea Party sly humor showing

Golly.

What to make of the GOP Florida straw poll?

Certainly it provides a good laugh track which will keep Democrats amused until the next scheduled debate -- or unscheduled campaign gaffe -- which ever comes first.

Herman Cain first; Michele Bachmann last. Who knew the Tea Party had a sense of humor?

Of course, Cain’s victory provides full employment for journalists, pundits and professional duh-sayers. Do you really think he has a chance? Duh.

Clarity? Not a chance. Not as long as the Tea Party continues to flex more beef than brains. Rick Perry obviously spent a lot of time at muscle beach. Too much time in the full sun.

What does the Florida straw poll prove? The Tea Party is a fickle bunch. First they loved Bachmann in Iowa, then Trump in one of his palaces, then Perry in his named-boots (Freedom and Liberty), then Cain in Florida. Herman Cain, who talks in bumper stickers.

Fickle. That’s about it. Oh yes, they really don't like Romney.

QUOTE of the day from the Miami Herald:

Ana Navarro, of Miami-Dade and an advisor to Jon Huntsman, said Perry is more show than substance.

“Rick Perry is a Texas stud, a real macho-man who looks great in cowboy hat and boots and was supposed to come galloping on his stallion to rescue Republicans and lead us to the promise land,” said Navarro, an advisor to Huntsman’s campaign. “But it’s become increasingly clear he can’t perform. He has electile dysfunction.”

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Trash talk, snippets, stuff

Quote of the Day: "Sure I displayed it, yes. But I do that 20 times a week. I do it when someone needs to cut a watermelon." — Jay Kimbrough, deputy chancellor of the Texas A&M System and former Rick Perry chief of staff, on the pocketknife that reportedly got him escorted out of a building Wednesday after being fired. (Texas Tribune)

Raise your hand if you are wearing a watch. If you are, you’re likely old. The young people today use a cell phone. Raise your other hand if you lug a camera around with you. Not if you use your cell phone. Both hands in the air? Congrats, you’re a geezer victim of highway robbery perpetrated by AT&T, T-Moble, etc.

Did you know that more people have been killed by mosquitoes than by human beings?

Which came first? When Thomas Edison wired your neighborhood, the first four household appliances to become electrified were: sewing machine, fan, toaster and teakettle. The fifth was the vibrator. Not at your house, you say? Pity.

On a non-related note, if you’ve emailed me the past few days, I never got it. My email software jammed up. Seems I had 41,000 messages piled up that should have been deleted but weren’t. It’s working now. Fire at will. Have fun.

Monday, September 19, 2011

He's getting heavy, but he's still my brother

Have you been paying attention to the polls?

Nobody likes nothing. Not the Republicans, not the Democrats, not the Congress and not the president.

The Republicans, it seems, cannot change their tune while the Democrats try to sing with their mouths closed. And the Tea Party? They are just practicing their scales.

But even with all the fighting, nothing happens. Even with the bad poll ratings, nothing happens.

The Republicans need to wet-mop their side of the aisle to clean up the crap they spew daily. They would rather see us broke, out of work, sick and hungry than try to fix the American economy that they helped wreck.

Extremists who dedicate their lives to making Obama a one-term president are hurting our country in the process. Sadly, it does no good to excavate for new ideas in the anger where the right wing grows. Too much dead dirt.

Obama has broken our hearts. He has sinned against his mandate. We expected so much more. That’s part of our malaise – expectations were too high for reality. But he is a fool for trying to negotiate further with the right wing. They have declared.

Compromise? Not with the Kenyan.

The only science the GOP believes in is political science. They are better at selling their narrative than are the inept Democrats.

What a mess.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

God -- you listening?

God, what in the hell are you thinking?

Republican presidential candidates are claiming you chose them to run. Really? All of them? Several of them? Two of them? Besides, I always thought Jews were the chosen people.

What’s the deal?

Rick Perry says he feels “called” to run. And he’s thrown in with a tough Pentecostal crowd. Read about his army of God in the Texas Observer.

Must be a party line. Michelle Backmann got the same "call." There’s even video tape of her claiming she’s “hot for Jesus.” Whoa.

Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman, the two Mormon guys, think getting The Word from angels who wrote on golden plates trumps our burning bush. We can’t all be right.

It’s the Return of the Moral Majority. Religion is becoming politicized – and weaponized.

Is that really what you want? If so, you’ve got a wicked sense of humor.

Aww hell. I think I’m talking to myself

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Indian Summer, come on Indian Summer

Winter hits tomorrow. The forecast is for overnight lows to freeze. Hoodies went up all over the Twin Cities today as we warmed out of the early morning 40s.

Cold weather doesn’t fool around up here. Monday it was 90. Thursday it freezes. I’m convinced the first blizzard will ride into town by the weekend. This time, I have my own boots. You may recall that the Mystery Woman had me convinced that Uggs were bisexual – and for the first five winters, I wore them every day while walking the dog.

Strong winds are fueling wildfires a few hundred miles north of here. Started by a lightening strike. Burning the Boundary Waters forests.

I gasp at fire pictures from Texas. Terrible. Terrible. Made even worse by dumb ass politics. I’ll let that line rest – but the record will out.

Our winter migration kicks off in a few weeks. This year, we’ll swing east to visit friends and family all the way from the Blue Ridge and Smokey Mountains to the everglades in Florida. We plan a stop-over in New Orleans for some Cajun food that will serve as warm up for Texas BBQ and Tex-Mex.

I miss Maudie’s and the Salt Lick. Been a long time.

Y’all take care of yourselves. You are important to us.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Tea Party reveals blood lust

Maybe Rick Perry was off his game in last night’s American Taliban debate in Florida because of back trouble. That’s what Texas Monthly columnist Paul Burka speculates.

And we’ll get back to that in a minute.

Something very telling is going on at these debates. Something chilling.

In the first round, the line that got the most reaction came not from the gladiators, but from the referee. The audience erupted into wild applause when Brian Williams correctly pointed out that Texas Gov. Rick Perry has presided over more executions than any other governor. Cheers flew around the Coliseum.

Dead. That’s how many Republicans prefer criminals whether or not the death penalty works.

At the second debate, another blood splatter came when the moderator asked whether a person without medical insurance should be left to die. Again a throaty cry reverberated from the audience: “Yes!” Even Ron Paul looked startled.

Dead. That’s how some Republicans prefer poor people without money enough for health insurance.

Now, back to Gov. Perry’s possible back trouble. Expect no mercy from your fellow Tea Party Republicans. They’re blood thirsty.

And yours will do until they can rip into Obama.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Things that go bump in the night

About ten o'clock last night, I kept hearing this short burst of sound, no more than two or three seconds. Electrical? Water? Wind in the shingles? Couldn't hear it everywhere. Finally, I isolated the sound along the wall with the bookshelf in the living room.

We unplugged everything in the wall and spent maybe two hours off an on trying to pinpoint the source of the sound.

Checked the breakers, checked the hoses, checked the washer/dryer. Nothing.

I worried about the possibility of an electrical fire but the walls were not hot to the touch.

We knew an electrician would charge a hundred bucks or more.

What to do?

Finally, with a grin, the Mystery Woman figured it out. My cell phone was sitting on the wooden book shelf and would vibrate every couple of minutes.

But the problem deepened.

We couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so the Mystery Woman put it on a pillow.

And we went to bed.

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