Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Fun with Newt and Mitt

Women are still favoring Romney. But men are moving in droves to Gingrich and away from Romney. Delusions of gender, some say.

One pundit described Gingrich as suffering from clinical adverbitis. Prognosis? Terminal.

“Newt Gingrich is the intellectual among Republicans the way that Moe is the intellectual among the Stooges.” – Blogger.

Don’t count Newt out. He’s been caught practicing political necrophilia twice before in this campaign.

“Today’s politics are the art of the sinister in the country, not of service, nor of hope.” – Blogger.

”This is not presidential behavior.” – Blogger.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Quotes with a liberal bias

“This is like a bullfight in which there are 2 pre-wounded bulls.” – Blogger.

“The Republican party is broken ... the Democrat Party is doing nicely.” – Blogger.

“A marriage is between a man and a woman and a woman and a woman. And here I thought that it was Mitt who was the Mormon.” – Blogger.

“File this under “Duh” -- Obama is going to run on the ‘I'm not a rich fat cat white guy’ platform.” – Blogger.

“Don't blame us because your (Republican) party is circling the drain.” – Blogger.

“Newt fights back by accusing his opponent of being exactly what he is. Of course, Newt is the one who lacks character. Newt is the chronic liar. Newt repeats phony history. Newt was found guilty of ethics violations by the House, both Dems and Repubs, had to pay the stiffest penalty in history, admitted to lying to the ethics committee, and was forced to resign in disgrace.” – Blogger.

“Romney only looks good to Republicans right now because he's standing on a stage opposite some of the worst candidates ever fielded by a national party. Who wouldn't look good facing off against a Gingrich, a Perry, a Cain or a Bachmann? Let him go toe-to-toe with the president and he's going to sound like the pandering, say-anything-to-get-elected Monopoly Man that he really is.” – Blogger.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

All Newt, all the time

“Reeling in the polls and seemingly punch-drunk after the debate shellacking he suffered at the hands of Mitt Romney on Thursday night, Gingrich’s speeches Friday had all the uplift of a hospital waiting room.” -- Alex Altman, Time.

“Newt is beginning to look like a dead pear.” -- Ed.

“Newt sounded bad, he looked bad, and generally came across like a weasel who had finally been cornered by Animal Control.” -- Ed Kilgore, Washington Monthly.

“He’s got about as much chance getting elected president as Wednesday has becoming Sunday.” – Blogger.

About Newt’s grand idea for a permanent colony on the moon, Michelle Herbeck rolled her eyes, "Anybody can run for president and promise a lot of crap."

About Herman Cain endorsing Gingrich, “Now here comes Moonie and Beki Beki." – Blogger.

About the irony, “What’s next for these two, wife swapping?” – Blogger.

About the impact, “Is Herman Cain Newt’s Hail Mary? Or Hey Baby?” – Blogger.

Dumb. For such a smart guy. Dumb.

Maybe he is crazy.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Isn't that a good looking hat?

Like I told you, I’ve been losing weight by walking the dog. Today, I weighed as I stepped out of the shower. Just checking.

“Guess what, honey,” I hollered to the Mystery Woman, “when I’m bare-assed naked, I weigh only 179 pounds.”

“That’s nice,” she murmured without looking up from her reading.

“Did you hear what I said?” I said. “Without clothes, I weigh 179 pounds.”

“If you went outside,” she said, “I’ll bet all the neighbors would notice your svelteness. ‘My, isn’t he svelte,’ the would say.”

As that notion built momentum in her head, the Mystery Woman’s voice took on an edge I had not heard before: “I’ll bet they would all have something to say about you walking in the front yard bare-assed naked. I bet they would at that.”

Sometimes the Mystery Woman vexes me. This isn't all peaches and honey. This is one of the times she vexes me.

“They would probably think you changed your haircut,” she said.

And went back to her Kindle.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Newt Gingrich, the jerk

Bob Dole said it best: "Why do people take such an instant dislike to me?" asked Gingrich, to whom Dole replied "Because it saves them time."

"Newt Gingrich is an idiot... hopelessly gross and vile." – Maurice Sendak.

Ann Coulter says “Hotheaded arrogance is neither conservative nor attractive to voters.”

“If Newt gets elected he might leave us for a younger country.” -- Jon Stewart.

“Every time a republican attacks one of their own, an angel gets his wings.” – Blogger.

He actually said: "If we can get 13,000 people to colonize the moon, we can make it the next state of the United States!" He also wrote in one of his books in 1996 that he often fantasizes what it would be like to have sex on the moon!

“In Space...there are no marriage vows.” – Blogger.

“Newtus Augustus Maximus.....The greatest emperor since Caligula.” Blogger.

“Nothing ‘August’ about Newt. I would suggest ‘Sordidus Bombasticus Mendacius’ as more fitting names for our historical transformational ‘Locutor Maximus’ of the House.” – Blogger.

“Robotic vulture capitalist vs. Repackaged rabid lobbyist....boy, cage matches sure aren't what they used to be.” – Blogger.

“Do you think Newt was a pug in a previous life?”

Thursday, January 26, 2012

How much $$$ Romney makes every day

Mitt is making money off money at a fabulous rate – like $57,000 per day. If you wonder how long it would take him to earn your paltry annual salary (can you spell chicken feed), there’s an app for that. Click here.

Our richest president was our first. Adjusted for inflation, George Washington was worth $500 million. His money came from Mt. Vernon and, sadly, from slaves. Hat tip, Dan Check, at Slate.

"It's not that Romney makes a lot of money. It's HOW he makes it." -- Blogger.

“Be sure and let me know the next time Romney crosses the Delaware to fight somebody, rather than crossing the Caribbean to make an offshore deposit.” – Blogger.

“Governor, I knew George Washington. George Washington was a Founding Father of mine. You are no George Washington.” Blogger.

“Has any President in history ever had Swiss bank accounts and offshore investments designed to minimize taxes?” – Blogger.

“We need Mitt - he likes to fire people, and there are millions of lazy Americans who need firing.” – Blogger.

“If newt wins the nomination -which is still unlikely in my mind- he'll be the first GOP or democratic nominee that I can remember that literally got nominated as a direct result of throwing red meat to the base and watching them act like wild dogs with a chew toy.” – Blogger.

“Not to worry, he ain't gonna be a President. (Nor will the Salamander.)” – Blogger.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

GOP candidates are boring

“Half of all candidates lose elections. At least.” – Vodkapundit.

”The problem isn't with 'wealthy' candidates. The problem is with shifty ones.” – Blogger.

"$25,000 a month to be a historian isn't going to fly." -- Hugh Hewitt, National Review.

“Will they ‘commit to putting an American on Mars?’ No problem. Half the time, Ron Paul is already there.” Dick Polman, political columnist.

“As for the current GOP field, it's like confronting a terminal diagnosis. There may be an apparent range of treatments: conventional (Romney), experimental (Gingrich), homeopathic (Paul) or prayerful (Santorum). But none will avail you in the end. Just try to exit laughing.” Bret Stephenis, WSJ.

“There is only one explanation for this debate: NBC News wanted to show off the GOP contenders as the world’s Most Boring and Irrelevant White Guys. On Tuesday night’s NBC News prime time program, the second coming of Black Jesus.” – Blogger.

“It’s Boring White Guys versus Black Jesus.” Stephen Green, Drunkblogging, Pjmedia.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

GOP quotes too good to pass up

“I’d rather take a shower with Jerry Sandusky than go through another month of this.” -- Perry campaign adviser, Texas Tribune.

“Gingrich is about as much a Washington "outsider" as the maitre d' at Cafe Milano…The person most deluded by Gingrich's politics of cultural division has always been Gingrich himself.” – David Frum, GOP pundit.

“Ptomaine debating trichinosis.” – Blogger.

“If there is or ever was a God, he gave up on the ignorance that permeates this country.” – Blogger

“Ron Paul will not win a single state.” – Blogger.

“Geez, why is Warren Buffet so jealous of rich people?” – Blogger.

“I bet Romney $10,000. He gave me his couch and told me to shake out the change.” – Blogger.

Best headline after Sen. Rand Paul had a dust up with TSA: “Don't Scan Me, Bro.” – Talking Points Memo.

Monday, January 23, 2012

GOP hammers GOP

“Basically, today’s (S. Carolina) vote is about Republican grassroots giving the Washington Republican establishment the finger.” Erick Erickson, Red State.

“Newt is the GOP’s Bill Clinton, and I’m not voting for an immoral grandiose windbag.” – Blogger.

“I hope Newt stays spiteful and stays in for a long, long time.” – Blogger.

“I think Romney will lose and the nuttiest of the nuts are going to leave the party, and form a third party, because they lost again by nominating a moderate.” Blogger.

“Teabaggers hate blacks more than they hate rich Mormons. Every time they see Obama's face on the television, it's the face of someone different than them. You can't see ‘Mormon.’ Well, not at least without their street clothes off.” – Blogger.

“Good God... picture Nixon with Fox News carrying his water.... Of course, Nixon is to the left of everyone they have now.” – Blogger.

"Actually, there's a mini scandal going on in Disney World in Florida right now. Seems that when Newt Gingrich was down there, he was seeing both Snow White and Cinderella at the same time." – Jay Leno.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Newt! Newt! Newt!

“You've got a first-class disaster on your hands.” -- James Carville to Republicans.

Charles Krauthammer, on Fox News: "If Newt Gingrich wins the presidency, John King is going to have a gilded seat in the White House briefing room. It's going to be an endowed chair."

“When we go up against Newt, it helps us in the general election,” says a Romney aide. It's all about the Gestalt. (Ed note: What the hell are you talking about?)

“I like the fact that these voters support Newt because they hate people who have jobs in television. It just about sums up how smart and dedicated the GOP voters are. Why do we even have to pretend that they have ideas or are "thinking"? It's laughable.” – Blogger.

“In the kingdom of the blind, a one-eyed man is king. In the party of stupid, Newt Gingrich is a genius.” – Blogger.

“Who better than to represent the Republican Party... a pseudo-intellectual, thrice married imbecile... who preaches all day about family values.” – Blogger.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

GOP candidates merely punch lines

“Stephen Colbert is a comedian and the other Republican candidates are bad jokes.” – Blogger.

“What could be more fun than a candidate who upon high school graduation married his geometry teacher? How many of us even liked our geometry teachers? This is precisely what we have needed ever since Monty Python went off the air.” – Blogger.

“A man who would cheat on his wife is worse than a man who would hide his income in the Cayman Islands to avoid paying American taxes.” – Blogger.

“Newt is crazy but at least he means his crazy. He truly believes every wacky thing he says. I prefer a sincere lunatic to a disingenuous one.” -- Judd Apatow.

“Mitt is showing his true self...as a rudderless windsock.” Blogger

“Brittle.” – that’s how some Republican heavies are describing Romney.

“Just something about him has Phony written all over it!” – Blogger.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Hold me, kiss me, vote for me

What was she thinking? Marianne Gingrich said no when Newt asked for an open marriage. If I were wed to that guy, I would certainly want an open marriage. He’s not exactly a poster child for Viagra.

Perry the Pius threw his support to Newt “Big Bang” Gingrich. Political experts think the ensuing five supporters will be next among Newt’s brides. Watch for the surge.

Imagine a bully (Newt) with the temperament of a two year old in the White House. – Blogger.

Romney campaign release: "I Think Grandiose Thoughts," contains quotes with Newt comparing himself to Pericles, Henry Clay, Vince Lombardi, "a Viking," Vince Lombardi and the Wright Brothers.

“It's turning into a clown motorbike.” – Blogger.

Ironically, yesterday was confederate heroes day.

The Inauguration is a year from today.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

We could use the money

Well, if you are reading this, I must still be alive.

Careful readers might argue that I am prone to exaggeration, but yesterday I nearly bought the farm. Exercising.

I’ve lost 15 pounds since I started running with our mini-Dachshund. We run every time I take her out to answer nature’s call. There I go – exaggerating again. What I do could not be called running. More like loping. You know, that funny get-along like the dog trainers do at the Westminister AKC shows.

We lope about 50 yards three times a day. I was beginning to feel 54 rather than 74 and got cocky about the return of my athletic abilities.

Revenge is more like it.

Yesterday, as we loped down the middle of the drive, a car came around the blind side of a poorly-planned curve. The dog zigged as I tried to zag.

Nothing worked right. As I cartwheeled out of control through the parking lot, the possibilities were not good. I worried about releasing the dog, busting my hip on the pavement or busting my head on the curb. Or, alternatively, just getting run over.

I longed for flight. Instead, I lurched like a toddler. Or like when I was younger and drunker.

Somehow, I fell to earth with nothing broken. Not even any serious bruises. But enough dirt and grass stains on my back to do the NFL proud. My pride was the only thing hurt.

Upon hearing my lament, the Mystery Woman began searching for the video camera. She said if I would do it again, she’s sure she could get it on America’s Funniest Videos.

Or Geezers Gone Wild.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Out of the mouths of babes

“Adios, mofo.” – The chant from high school students when Rick Perry mounted the podium at a S. Carolina religious forum.

“There are people out there who are sexually attracted to, as one wag put it, women who look like bald eagles.” -- Blogger responding to Calista Gingrich profile.

“Nasty people marry nasty people.” – Blogger writing about Newt and Calista.

Best headline in Talking Points Memo: “End of Days? Rick Santorum Agrees With The ACLU?”

"At last night's Republican debate, Mitt Romney talked about his love of hunting. Yeah. In fact, Romney said on his last hunting trip, he shot three deer and fired two elk." – Conan O’Brien.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

GOP debate -- scary

Last night’s debate was fierce but still not enough red meat to tame the lions at the GOP circus. And not enough to satisfy the Republican clowns. They kept talking and the crowd kept cheering. In my view, the blood lust was frightening. And I’m not the only viewer with that reaction.

Reactions herewith from today’s blogs:

“The lack of basic humanity, of human feeling, is, quite frankly, chilling.” – Blogger.

“Utterly ashamed to be an American tonight.” – Blogger.

“One can't be a serious political journalist without outraging the Ron Paul fantasists.” – Blogger.

“Romney reminds me of a bright kid in school who knows all the answers but doesn't really understand why they're correct.” – Blogger.

“Capital Punishment: It was Good Enough for Jesus Christ.” -- Blogger.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Huntsman out of here

“Conservatives cling to the comforting moral illusion that there is a sharp distinction between allowing people to suffer and making people suffer.” – Blogger.

SC GOP chairman said, "Stephen Colbert has about as much a chance at being elected president in South Carolina as he does of being elected Pope. Zero. It didn't work four years ago, and it won't work now. The gag is worn out." Uhhh. He was polling higher than Huntsman.

Two Mormons? Do the math. – Blogger.

Comedian Bill Maher describes Rick Santorum as "The guy who's obsessed with gay sex!" He then talked about Santorum making public appearances in sweater vests, "which is proof he does not have one gay friend."

"Can we check and see where the speaker is?" – Gingrich was a no-show at a S. Carolina barbecue and the moderator was puzzled.

“Ron Paul only likes questions that he can answer with one word: liberty.” – Blogger.

Saddest Jon Huntsman quote ever: “I’m not the moderate you’ve heard I am.”

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Prayer, politics, and poop

This is a second effort to load this post. First was goofy. Apologies.

“Watching New England dissect the Broncos. As a displaced Browns fan, I love to watch the Broncos lose. As a displaced Browns fan, I know never to count the Broncos out. They may have Tebow pointing skyward, but any Browns fan can tell you, Elway made a bargain with Satan long ago.” – Blogger.

When 150 evangelical leaders came to Texas -- they voted to support Santorum. Everybody but Perry knows he doesn’t have a prayer.

Disclaimer: when it comes to television news, I am biased. I like MSNBC the best. Having said that, I wish they were not so partisan. Doesn't help a nation heal. Straight news is tough enough for conservatives to digest. They prefer cheerleaders. Damn. I'm a guilty partisan, too. Habit is hard to break.

Even casual readers must marvel at my new, demanding regimen to lose weight and get in shape. You will recall I lope at top speed for 50 yards three times daily with our mini-Dachshund when I take her out to answer nature’s call. The Mystery Woman says that’s gotta be a mile in dog years.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

GOP -- talk to me

You know what’s wrong – the next GOP debate is too far away.

Recently Mormons have won both Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. – Slate. (You can see why some Baptist think them to be a cult.)
When Ron Paul sauntered on stage in New Hampshire, the music that blared was the Darth Vader theme, the Imperial March from Star Wars. – Huffington Post. (Yep. He’s dangerous.)

“The majority has not yet coalesced around one,” Sarah Palin.
CNN host Piers Morgan called right-wing attack hound Andrew Breitbart “notoriously evil about almost everybody.”

“A huge pendulum attached to a small clock.” – Ivan Panin on Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
In Vino Veritas. – Blogger.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Best headline out of New Hampshire: “The GOP rallies around vulture capitalism” – Salon.

Second best: “Who voted for Rick Perry?” – aww hell, I forgot where I saw this one. But I like it.

“Candidates can’t know everything,” so saith Angelina Jolie. But Herman Cain said it first.

“For all the talk about Newt Gingrich wanting to be the Anti-Romney, he has now become the Anti-Republican.” – Blogger.

This is important. Which candidate has the best chants? According to Talking Points Memo, it’s Ron Paul. http://tinyurl.com/7gxxcej

I’m going back to bed.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

GOP telethon drawing to a close

A Monday poll showed Buddy Roemer ahead of Rick Perry in New Hampshire. Snap.

After a day of Romney goofs, gaffes, and lies: "The more this goes on, the more I think he's not going to beat Obama.” -- New England Republican.

”The Romney unit was doing so well....then he opened his mouth! Blue-bIoods just can't hide their disdain for the rest of us!” -- Blogger.

Huh? "I have no problem with this type of thing being written if they were out of office," McCain said. She then said not once, but twice, that the Obamas deserved "a small emoticon of privacy." -- Meghan McCain about the new Obama book.

“Yesterday, Gingrich was a capitalist, today he's a Trotskyite.” -- Blogger.

“Nastiness ratchets up as time ratchets down,” -- CNN’s Candy Crowley.

Monday, January 9, 2012

The GOP field -- still life with fruit

And this year’s best description of a political candidate goes to Peggy Noonan who described Newt Gingrich as “an angry little attack muffin.”

“Five vettings and a funeral,” – that’s how Chris Matthews described the Sunday morning GOP debate.

Grey Poupon. Brings out the taste of pious baloney. On whitebread.

Have you seen all the Twitter photos Rick Perry has posted of himself in jogging shorts? He’s running a close second to Anthony Weiner.

“Handsome and deadly dull.” First impression from just meeting Mitt Romney.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

GOP playoffs on TV -- again

Define joy: Two Republican debates in 10 hours.

Tonight’s reality show is brought to you by Dog Whistle, a subsidiary of Koch Bros. Sunday’s program is made available through generous donations from their SuperPac. Mill-yons and mill-yons, as Ralph Yarborough used to say.

Sadly, the TV debates will be two clowns short of full car now that Bachmann and Cain have retired. Unless they get a suck-up cameo. No, governor, that’s not what you wear to a duck hunt.

Bachmann got it slightly wrong in her “outta here” speech. She was trying to quote Dr. Suess. Here’s how the whole thing goes:

“I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

An elephant’s faithful one hundred percent.”

From Horton Hatches the Egg

Earlier, you’ll recall Cain quoted from Pokemon in his concession. That just about locks up the GOP erudite vote drive. Not counting what Newt says. Fundamentally.

Prior to leaving to New Hampshire, Rick Perry relaxed by blazing away with his pistol at an Austin gun range. That means his foot must have healed. You know. The foot he shot himself in. Should that read “hisself?” Or “his own self?”

Friday, January 6, 2012

Brightest and best from Texas?

In a non-scientific online poll in the Fort Worth Star Telegram, 77% of respondents want Rick Perry to give up the race for the nomination. It is not known how many of them want him to come back to Texas - that's a different question altogether. -- Blogger.

Perry is wonderful as the basis for a Saturday Night Live skit; he's a perfect caricature of a non-thinking Texas buffoon. – Blogger.

The funny thing about Republicans is that they always think that…(1) They’re the only ones who believe in God, and (2) That God speaks to them and not to Democrats. -- Blogger

Another funny thing about Republicans is that they always think that...(1) They're the only ones who are patriots, and (2) They're the only ones who are Patriots, and (3) They're the only ones who are patriots. You get the picture. -- Ed.

What do you need in life other than a good book, a few capri pants, and a cotton sundress or two? Simon Doonan on curating Marilyn Monroe’s stuff.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Political wisdom -- oxymoron

“He is so interesting, smart and decent. He’s a good person, and that allows his character to be criminally, negligently ignorant.” -- Jon Stewart on Stephen Colbert.

“Musicians are part of the entertainment industry which is mostly anti-Republican… Imagine if a liberal tried to use Toby Keith's ‘Courtesy Of The Red, White, And Blue.’ Keith and his fans would rightly be upset. But that never happens since liberals don't like images of the flag.” -- part-time political commentator Dan Gainor, full-time idiot.

“Rick Santorum is like the North's version of Rick Perry.” -- Blogger.

“The Republican presidential candidates have swept into New Hampshire so swiftly, you might be tricked into thinking that next Tuesday’s primary really matters.” Maggie Haberman in Politico.

Breaking news: “The gender gap—the difference between how men and women vote—represents on average a seven point gulf between the sexes during presidential elections.” – Libby Copeland in Slate.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Did Romney win, or lose?

Bloggers and political junkies are in heaven the morning after the Iowa cattle call. Here is a sample you might have missed if you don’t read the “comments.”

“Ricky (Perry) does debates like hogs do dancing…Don't let him quit.”

“Voters recognize Bachmann for what she is: a fringe politician trying to get limelight with divisive histrionics. More reminiscent of Ann Coulter than of any serious politician, really. People aren't dumb.”

“The question for Paul, though, is how he can capitalize on one good night in Iowa and turn it into more good nights in New Hampshire, South Carolina and beyond.” (Ed note: “good night” is good enough for me.)

“One of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don’t encourage you to be nasty.” Newt Gingrich, 1978.

The three most corrupt Senate members are the infamous Conrad Burns (R-MT), Bill Frist (R-TN), and Rick Santorum (R-PA) -- The Center For Responsibility And Ethics In Washington released its second annual survey of the twenty most corrupt members of Congress.

“Santorum has benefited from his obscurity so far, but that's over.”

Note: nothing negative here about Mitt Romney. Surprisingly, his Republican opponents have yet laid a glove on him. Let the vetting begin.

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