Like I told you, I’ve been losing weight by walking the dog. Today, I weighed as I stepped out of the shower. Just checking.
“Guess what, honey,” I hollered to the Mystery Woman, “when I’m bare-assed naked, I weigh only 179 pounds.”
“That’s nice,” she murmured without looking up from her reading.
“Did you hear what I said?” I said. “Without clothes, I weigh 179 pounds.”
“If you went outside,” she said, “I’ll bet all the neighbors would notice your svelteness. ‘My, isn’t he svelte,’ the would say.”
As that notion built momentum in her head, the Mystery Woman’s voice took on an edge I had not heard before: “I’ll bet they would all have something to say about you walking in the front yard bare-assed naked. I bet they would at that.”
Sometimes the Mystery Woman vexes me. This isn't all peaches and honey. This is one of the times she vexes me.
“They would probably think you changed your haircut,” she said.
And went back to her Kindle.