Sunday, February 26, 2012

GOP tropes through the weeds

Tales from the tangled www:

“Let's get serious. Republicans don't know what a rhetorical trope or an existential predicament is.” – Blogger

"Time to make a choice. Which loser will it be?" -- Blogger.

"This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper." -- T.S.Eliot.

“Purity is obscurity.” – Ogden Nash.

Remember this and repeat it often: “No one should ever “underestimate the ability of President Obama to rally conservatives to vote against him.” Richard Land.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

GOP going away party

Tales from the tangled www:

Republicans believe that "conception begins at Last Call.” Thanks, SNL.

Joe Klein types with tongue-in-cheek: “Republicans are doing good job of winning over the young voters who are adamantly opposed to contraception.”

You know you have a problem when George Will writes: “Romney is right about the futility of many current policies, but being offended by irrationality is insufficient. Santorum is right to be alarmed by many cultural trends, but implies that religion must be the nexus between politics and cultural reform. Romney is not attracting people who want rationality leavened by romance. Santorum is repelling people who want politics unmediated by theology. Neither Romney nor Santorum looks like a formidable candidate for November.”

Lawrence O’Donnell: “George Will may have the only functioning brain in the Republican party.”

Romney/Santorum. “One's Hazelnut and the other is a Filbert. How can you tell the difference?”

Recommended reading: “The Lost Party: The strangest primary season in memory reveals a GOP that’s tearing itself apart,” by John Heilmann in The New York Magazine.

Remember this and repeat it often: “No one should ever “underestimate the ability of President Obama to rally conservatives to vote against him.” Richard Land.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

GOP set to take down Santorum next

At last night’s debates, the candidates fought over smaller and smaller patch of dirt. Dull is too shiny to describe the two hours of slow talk and slower thoughts. Mostly they just peeved on one another.

They’ve lost their balance. Republicans need new candidates with new gyroscopes.


Romney attempted a George Costanza joke during the debate and that prompted this response from a blogger:

Romney as Costanza
Ron Paul as Kramer
Gingrich as the postman
Santorum as Ellen (obsessed with birth control)
Obama as Seinfield - he runs the show and the other players are based around him; he will also be the only successful one the walk away.

Earn bonus points: “He doesn't light the flame on her Christmas pudding.” That’s Sir Richard and Lady Mary from Downton Abby.

Seen on the web: "Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

President Santorum's Cabinet

Twisted tales from the tangled www:

President Rick Santorum
Vice President Michele Bachmann
Secretary of State Sarah Palin
Secretary of Defense Ron Paul
Secretary of Education Hermann Cain
Secretary of the Treasury Mitt Romney
Secretary of Commerce Newt Gingrich
Secretary of Health Chris Christie

It is official. Rick is a nut. Mitt is a stiff nut. Newt is a round nut, and the Republican Party is a whole batch of unwanted nuts.

The media keeps talking about Rick being authentic. Well a hurricane and a dog bite are real to. You do not see anybody rushing to experience either one of those realities, do you?

Stockpile condoms before they're outlawed.

Republicans. They make you believe there is a God.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Would two strong parties help?

More tales from the tangled www:

“I want a more robust Republican Party,” said professor Melissa Harris-Perry as she began her new MSNBC weekend program. “Two healthy parties challenge each other to come up with better ideas," she argued, "and both parties are hurt by one of them deteriorating.” If only.

Book title that makes you think: Indispensable Enemies by Walter Karp.

As long as you are up, think about this: Not everything that comes out of the mouths of politicians is in quotation marks.

"The old Catholic coots don't play the game…shouldn't try to make the rules. Bet if 12 year-old-boys could get pregnant, they'd change the rules." – Blogger.

Sure he (Romney) has a core philosophy, it can be simply stated, too: "I want to be President. – Blogger.

Romney is about as graceful as an elephant on a unicycle. Forward, back, pivot, turn, crash. – Blogger.

Amazing. He (Gingrich) stokes people's hate and then scolds them for hating. – Blogger.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A brokered or contested GOP convention?

POLITICO Playbook by Mike Allen

THE CONVERSATION: A tippy-top Republican, unprompted, yesterday sketched the germ of a plan for a new candidate if Rick Santorum upsets Mitt Romney in the Michigan primary on Feb. 28. Our friend brought visual aids: chicken-scratched versions of prosaic documents that are circulating among GOP insiders like nuclear-code sheets: In case of mayhem, break glass!

Most reporters still think Romney "will find a way to win Michigan." Nevertheless, some of the nation's most powerful Republicans are poring over filing deadlines and pondering worst-case scenarios.

Our friend handed us a printout of FEC deadlines for ballot access, with five of them circled and starred: California (March 23), Montana (March 12), New Jersey (April 2), New Mexico (March 16) and South Dakota (March 27). The point: Even after Feb. 28, it might be possible to assemble a Hail Mary candidacy that could garner enough delegates to force a CONTESTED convention (a different nuance than BROKERED, which implies that someone is in charge).
Under RNC rules, the delegate count builds slowly: just 15% before Super Tuesday, March 6; 19% through Super Tuesday (brings you to 34%); 17% in the rest of March (brings you to 51%); with 48% in April, May and June (21%, 12%, 15%).

Our friend said: "If somebody came on the scene that week after Super Tuesday with, 'I'm coming in. I'm taking a look at this,' there are enough delegates. He would suck all the oxygen out of the race. People wouldn't even give a shit who won on these other dates in March that are after Super Tuesday. I mean, seriously, who would care? It would all be about a new savior."

AT THAT VERY MOMENT, ABC'S JONATHAN KARL was at the Capitol, having a conversation that resulted in this Richter-rattler: "A prominent Republican senator just told me that if Romney can't win in Michigan, the Republican Party needs to go back to the drawing board and convince somebody new to get into the race. 'If Romney cannot win Michigan, we need a new candidate,' said the senator, who has not endorsed anyone ...

"The senator believes Romney will ultimately win in Michigan but says he will publicly call for the party to find a new candidate if he does not. 'We'd get killed,' the senator said if Romney manages to win the nomination after he failed to win the state in which he grew up. 'He'd be too damaged' ... Santorum? 'He'd lose 35 states,' the senator said, predicting the same fate for Newt Gingrich. It would have to be somebody else, the senator said. Who? 'Jeb Bush.'"

THE NARRATIVE -- AP's Steve Peoples, in Mason Ohio: "Santorum is raising the stakes in the GOP nomination race in Ohio, declaring the state 'ground zero' as he ... campaigns for one of Super Tuesday's [March 6] biggest prizes. ... Questions about whether Santorum can sustain his rise in the polls come amid signs of stress within his campaign, mainly disorganization. Romney's mammoth political machine -- coupled with new scrutiny for Santorum's view of social issues as well as governmental policies -- will give Santorum little margin for error."

GOP Tales from the tangled www:

Romney gushed that the trees in Michigan were “just the right height.” That sparked murmurs that his dendrophilia may have returned.

The billionaire who has given Newt Gingrich $10 million is ready to send him a Pay Pal for $10 million more, thus giving a richer meaning to “one trick pony.”

A woman running for congress as a Republican in Arizona said: “when I heard this (Santorum’s women in combat position) I really just wanted to go kick him in the Jimmy.” Her name is Martha McSally. She is a retired Air Force colonel and a combat veteran. And Jimmy’s last name is Johnson.

The GOP is reaping the whirlwind they sowed by relying so heavily on the extreme right wing for votes. Call it what it is – DEFCON 1.

Evangelical Christians 60+ may be a solid and dependable voting bloc, but they do have a weakness - namely, the fact that they're dying.

Friday, February 17, 2012

GOP candidates -- comedy central

Tales from the tangled www:

Rick Santorum’s sugar daddy, millionaire conservative Foster Friess, said on MSNBC that women should use aspirin for birth control: "In my day,” he said, “the gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly." That prompted this tweet: "Should pregnant women be allowed to wear shoes in the kitchen?"

And this: “At long last, single-Bayer health care!"

In the same vicinity, a GOP congresswoman said women’s use of The Pill causes prostate cancer in men. – Must … resist … temptation.

Romney has outspent Santorum by a factor of 62 to 1, and his top 25 contributors are banks. No joke.

Mormons believe that they get their own planet when they die. Is that Christian? -- Blogger.

Rush Limbaugh, Christopher Ruddy, Ann Coulter and Charles Krauthammer. Four of the finest minds of the 16th century. -- Blogger.

Reaction to The Colbert Report suddenly going dark: “This is certainly not the time to be without Mr Colbert. We need all the truthiness we can get.” -- Blogger.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The GOP snapshot, hold still

From the tangled www:

He (Newt) will get by on nothing more than roaring ego and implacable rage… He looks like a man in a full ski-mask and a chainsaw in his hand. -- GOP strategist.

He feasts on your fear. Also on your muffins. -- Same guy.

Evil never dies! -- Different guy.

If you compare Newt to a random sample of axe murderers, he comes out way ahead. – Blogger.

Hurt me, beat me, be mean to me ... Cheney/Gingrich 2012. – Blogger.

When did conservatism become a religion? – Blogger.

Is there any straightforward way to get your name on the Mormons’ “Do Not Baptize” list? No. – Forrest Wickman. Slate.

Matthew 7:16. "By their fruit you will recognize them." Blogger. “Then Rick Santorum is bananas.” – next Blogger.

So, Rick has how many children? 5 or 6, so that means he's only had intercourse with his wife six times? Vote for Rick, our ticket to the 11th century! – Blogger.

On Romney claiming to be a “severe conservative.” Could be, he was thinking “extreme conservative” but his internal editor kicked in and changed it to “severe.” He just needs a better Thesaurus. And a spine. – Ed.

If you want to get a handle on their popularity from a national viewpoint, look at the number of their tweeter followers. Gingrich has 1,433, 216 followers. Romney has 313,463 followers as of today, Obama has 12, 276, 318 followers. – Blogger.

OK everyone, let's all pay attention to Sarah Palin, she's thinking of running again. Liberals, let's get angry. Conservatives, attack the lamestream media. On three. One, two... – Blogger.

America is Saved. – Blogger.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

SUPERPAC dark money

From the tangled www:

“It’s hard to imagine that Santorum would actually beat Romney here (in Michigan),” said a GOP strategist. “If he does, the canary in the coal mine has died.” – Politico.

Surely a Muslim socialist can't be beating a mucho macho Mormon mensch.

The (SUPER) PACs are rotten and unfair. In the words of Democracy Now producers, the PAC money comes from a “secretive coterie” of donors. In the terrific coinage of Mother Jones editors, it’s “dark money,” a Lovecraftian monster that moves from state to state, dissolving the foundations of the republic. – David Weigel. Slate.

We don't have to worry, because these sums aren't donations! The donors expect something for the money, so it's more of a contract. – Blogger.

Calling Fox 'news' is like calling professional wrestling a 'sport.'

Valentine's Day. We celebrate this day when Saint Valentine was beaten to death with clubs and his head was cut off. This may or may not have something to do with love and chocolate. Johnny Hughes. Lubbock sage who is ever the romantic.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

GOP going to the dogs (sorry, sorry, sorry)

“All we have to do is replace Obama. ... We are not auditioning for fearless leader.” – Grover Norquist at CPAC.

Want more? “Pick a Republican with enough working digits to handle a pen to become president of the United States.” – Same Guy.

”Dogs against Romney” plan to protest outside the Westminster dog show at Madison Square Garden tomorrow. Dog owners will never forget that Romney strapped his dog in a carrier on the roof of his car for a 12-hour trip. Bad Mitt. Join the Super Pack. Click here.

Jimmy Fallon: "Get this, in a new interview, Rick Santorum said women might not be suited for military action because their emotions aren't suited for combat. Which would mean only one thing. He has never seen an episode of 'The View.'"

Wind shear. Always a problem when Newt speaks on the tarmac. -- Blogger.

I've just discovered a vast Libertarian conspiracy. They're going to take over the Government and then leave us alone. -- Blogger.

Monday, February 13, 2012

CPAC wit and wisdom

From the tangled web:

"If Mitt Romney has to throw a 'Hail Mary' pass, what does he call it?" – Chris Matthews, MSNBC.

When I think of the quintessential voice of the conservative movement, the scholarly leader and beacon of the future of our way of life.....I think of the half-gov Sarah!!! Give me a break!

First Blogger about Sarah Palin at CPAC: “Talk about ‘Forbidden Planet.’ She sounds just like one of the Krell phantasms conjured up from the id of the antagonist in that move, clawing at its supposed enemies. As we learn in that classic movie from the 1950s, those enemies basically meant every other sentient being on the planet, because paranoia was being unleashed on all and everyone.”

Second Blogger: So if we can get Walter Pidgeon to throw himself at Sarah Palin, all this stuff will end?

CPAC member: "Ideally we would combine [Santorum's] strength with the infrastructure of Romney with the debating ability of Newt."

Blogger translation: "Behold this fearsome creature, with the strength of a possum, the endurance of a lizard, and the cunning and wile of a wildebeest!"

Sunday, February 12, 2012

CPAC -- clarity?

From the tangled web:

The CPAC Scotch and Cigars party got shut down. It was a no-smoking hotel.

CPAC - where truth goes to die.

CPAC – where white nationalists come to play.

Befitting the Straw Man won the Straw Poll.

This is tepid support, at best, for a Republican who's been running for the presidency since he was governor of Massachusetts. Romney might have scored a victory with this straw poll, but it's hardly a ringing endorsement for his candidacy. Clearly, Republicans are still wishing that there were someone else, almost anyone else....

They had the choices of Shep, Moe and Curly ... Huey, Dewey and Louie ... The Three Blind Mice ... Hear, See, Speak No Evil ... Goofy, Daffy and Wiley Coyote. They opted for Goofy ...

Ron Paul, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Gingrich was a footnote at CPAC.

What a difference a couple of years make, eh? The Tea Party morphs into the Light Brown Water Party.

Friday, February 10, 2012

The problem with CPAC -- hate

Quotes from the internet…

I might not agree with Clint Eastwood's politics but this is a REAL cowboy. Rick Perry is a fake cowboy. Clint would pimp-slap Rick in a bar fight.

CPAC - a hate festival! The gathering of 10,000 angst holes.

I thought good Christians weren't supposed to hate. They need to go back and read their owner's manual.

"The one thing that unites everybody is a hatred of Barack Obama," said Craig Shirley, a CPAC veteran and one of Reagan's newest and best biographers. "But hatred of the president is not a governing philosophy."

The next person that uses 'surge' in a headline I'm going to drive to their house and kick their dog.

Gingrich is colorful, quotable, unpredictable and utterly vicious.

Santorum is just Palin without the Naughty Monkey pumps.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

CPAC causes aluminum foil shortage

Political reporters make for lousy gravediggers. – David Weigel, Slate.

The GOP nominating race has become a clash of vampires and zombies. Candidates like Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich appear to die only to rise again, while Mitt Romney walks around not quite alive. – John Dickerson, Slate.

Mitt has more faces than a yearbook. – Blogger.

Politics has begun to seem like having the same conversation over and over again with only minor variations. You know, the kind of fights married people have where nothing is ever resolved. – Blogger.

I just want to know whether there will be enough Paul delegates for me to make money selling tinfoil hats in Tampa. – Blogger.

Take a knee: The ultra right wing 2012 Conservative Political Action Conference opens today. Ten thousand angels are expected to attend. Already, a Tebow jersey has been spotted levitating in the crowd.

Keep track of GOP delegate count at this CBS site.

Relax: In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ you should write ‘DOCTOR.’

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Wacky GOP picks wacky Santorum -- thrice!

Ahhh. I love the smell of burnt Mitt in the morning! – Blogger.

Romney reminds me of an undertaker. – Blogger.

At least Santorum is not another silver spoon, just an intolerant bigot. – Blogger.

If last night was a movie it would be called: "The Night of the Evangelicals" – Blogger.

This is just wrong. I mean, Missouri is a "beauty contest" and MITT is easily the most beautiful candidate in the race. He should have walked away with it, leaving Santorum with "Miss Congeniality.” – Blogger.

It is indeed a very strange year in which I find myself rooting for Gingrich and Santorum to win any elections, but Romney is such a creepy evil SOB that I'm actually rooting away for those crazy guys! – Blogger.

Mitt is losing the only thing his money can't buy - the narrative. – Blogger.

This just in: If an ethically-challenged, bloviating, philandering, egotistical, delusional Washington insider is your cup of tea, Newt's your man! -- Blogger.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Downers -- from the GOP

“Yesterday's conservative is considered today's anarchist, yesterday's rino is today's conservative! Thank you Fox news you have successfully neutered your sheep, I mean viewers!” – Blogger.

About Mitt Romney, “He’s a man who walks across a snowy field and leaves no footprints.” -- Gingrich biographer Craig Shirley.

“As a package you're repugnant, Newt. Can't say I'll miss those pope-like hand/arm gestures, but do stick around as long as possible.” – Blogger.

“Romney has a 98 % chance of winning Colorado & a 70 % chance of coming in a close 2nd to Santorum in Minnesota today. Gingrich is in last place in the next seven races.” – Blogger.

“Conservatives: Send Newt Gingrich ALL your money NOW!” – Blogger.

“Demography is destiny.” – Blogger.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The GOP -- for your entertainment pleasure

Speculating why Calista never takes her eyes off Newt: “When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening.” – Maureen Dowd, NYT.

“Newt’s going to be the Black Knight shouting, ‘Come back here. I'll bite your legs off.’" – Blogger.

After Newt’s Nevada presser, Steve Hayes observed: "That's what flailing looks like."

“The way Mitt Romney sounds, I don’t want to be anywhere near his fruited plain!” -- Goldie Taylor's reaction to his singing.

About LDS members tipping the election: “Mormons are two percent of the population. Seriously, this issue has the same world-shaking impact as the number of comic book collectors who will vote for Romney.” – Blogger.

“Where are the suicide Mormon bombers????” – Blogger.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

It's a two-man race all right -- Obama and Romney

“Newt Gingrich, Freddy Krueger – separated at birth.” -- Ed.

“Gingrich is better suited teaching at one of the many junior colleges that can tolerate him.” – Blogger.

“Newt was hamburger in the Romney meat-grinder in Florida.” – Blogger.

“Outspending Gingrich 5 to 1 a ham sandwich could have beat Newt.” – Blogger.

“Didn't Newt get the all important Hispanic illegal alien grandmother vote?” – Blogger.

“Fresh off his big win in Florida Tuesday night, Mitt Romney made the most stunningly stupid remark of his campaign: ‘I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there.’” – The Weekly Standard

“Romney goes into full Ralph Kramden-mode when he gets shook.” – Blogger.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Romney -- attack of the giant green wad

“Did Mitt Romney improve as a candidate after his South Carolina shellacking — or did he just buy Florida?” -- Talking Points Memo.

First Blogger: “The ‘best’ president money can buy, to go along with our paid for congress.”

Second Blogger: “I think our current one is a better value for the money, to be honest.”

"’...we will be in Tampa as the nominee in August.’" Newt used the royal plural. I am so pleased.” – Blogger.

“If Newt drops out, the show goes from surreal to banal.” – Blogger.

To Newt: “We love your feigned umbrage and your wild superlatives.” -- Dana Milbank, Washington Post.

Instead of going directly to campaigning in Nevada, Mitt Romney flew to Minnesota for the big get -- Michele Bachmann’s endorsement. No matter if she is pretty, tomorrow morning he’s going to wish he had gnawed his arm off. -- Ed.

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