Thursday, March 29, 2012

GOP focus on pink balls, pink slime, pink slips

Newt. Newt. When your money man Sheldon Adelson gives up on you, then you know the book tour is over.

Rick Perry says he really supports pink slime products. I’ll believe it when I see him eat some.

At a bowling alley this week, Rick Santorum told a boy who reached for a pink bowling ball: “You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We're not gonna let you do that. Not on camera.” Santorum went on to say “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” For chrissake, Rick, you give new meaning to gutter ball.

Mitt Romney joked about his father's decision to close a Detroit plant in the mid-1950s, fire the workers and shift the jobs to Wisconsin. Not funny. Not to the families who lost paychecks.

Ask Noam Chomsky how far have the Republicans gone to the right: “Today Nixon would be a flaming radical and Dwight D. Eisenhower would be off the spectrum. Even Ronald Reagan would be on the left somewhere.” That’s right, all right.

Know what these intellectual giants -- Stephen Baldwin, Dave Mustaine, Kirk Cameron, Ted Nugent, Chuck Norris, Victoria Jackson -- have in common? They support right wing candidate and causes. Extra points if you actually know who Dave Mustaine is. Or was. And well-known racist jerk-off is not a complete answer.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

We hold these truths to be self-evident

Around DC, the cherry blossoms are blooming early. Not to be upstaged, so are the idiots in the GOP primaries.

However, the bloom is off the Newt. His spittle is drying out. Just a mean old tailwind.

Mitt Romney wants permission to build an elevator for his car at his California mansion. Yet when he was governor, he vetoed two Democrat-backed items that would have provided elevators for disabled Americans. Cars are people, too, my friend. Priorities!

Santorum cusses out a NYT reporter and brags about it on Fox. Tough guy. I wouldn’t mess with him. God’s on his side. I don’t want to get smitted.

Ron Paul: It’s past your naptime.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Low mileage on Dick Cheney's heart

As an on-going heart patient, I wish Dick Cheney a full, speedy recovery. But I think the press got his heart transplant exactly backwards. The docs wanted Cheney’s heart to transplant into another patient because it had been used so rarely.

Mark Shields says former Texas Governor Rick Perry achieved "career redemption" with his deftly delivery remarks at the Gridiron show in DC. Well that was easy.

President Obama to Russian President Dmitri Medvedev: “This is my last election. After my election I have more flexibility.” He was talking about missile defense. And it was a damned stupid remark.

Old saying: Comedy equals tragedy plus time.

Point of personal privilege: we will soon leave the land of milk and tundra. Tuesday, we’ll leave Austin for the long drive true north. We sold the house in Minneapolis and have to pack up and get out. Sure going to miss some sweet people up there. The mountains of N. Carolina are calling us. We’re getting closer to the heavens in more ways than one.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

GOP: gimme re-write

These little gems were lifted from various comments sections on the www:

Just so I am clear: teleprompters are forbidden, Etch a Sketches OK?

The Christian iPhone will prevent your wife and children from visiting websites that might be morally harmful to them.

It's not looking good for that moon-base and $2.50 gas.

Reminds me of the joke from (?) 1988... "in order to win, Sam Nunn is changing his name to Sam Nunn Of The Above"

Here’s the deal – Obama is a man well worth knowing. The Republican candidates? Not so sure.

Jay Leno about Romney: He is so rich, the last time he went hunting; he shot Dick Cheney in the face. Okay, that is rich. He is so rich, in his fantasy football league, he drafts owners. That's how rich."

Does the moth remember its life as a caterpillar?

Saturday, March 17, 2012

GOP, March Madness, Repeat

These thoughts were lifted from the www without apology.

G.O.P. voters still favor 'None of the above' by considerable margins. – Blogger.

I accept the fact that Santorum is genuine in his beliefs. That is what scares the bejibbers out of me. He is from a different time. His views would be very compatible with 50's. – Blogger.

It’s Romney’s bad luck that fate has dictated his only path to the presidency lies in being a huge liar. – Jonathan Chait, New York Magazine.

I'm not "interested" in Newt as a candidate, but I'm fascinated in Newt as a pompous egomaniac and arrogant blowhard who puts his own selfish interests before his party's and his nation's. This guy is all id. – Blogger.

Ron Paul is getting to be more annoying than Ralph Nader. – Blogger.

This week, Garry Trudeau’s Doonesbury will be running a week long series of strips on the abortion. However, some newspapers are considering pulling the series and running repeats because of the content. Clearly, this will be the most controversial abortion-related comic strip since Marmaduke got neutered. (Apologies – I forgot the source.)

Friday, March 16, 2012

Memo to GOP -- thanks

Little nuggets mined from the tangled www:

I’ve always had a bit of a soft spot for Congressman Ron Paul. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s his grandfatherly anti-charisma. – U. of Illinois student.

Jay Leno: And more and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want the say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters.

Right now, wherever he is, Maurice Chevalier is thinking: okay, most little girls. – Blogger reacting to Ann Coulter picking a fight with Sarah Palin.

Early last week, Team Obama announced it had decided to "release the Biden": The pugnacious, filter-free VP would be returning to the campaign trail. – Mother Jones.

Andrew Breitbart in death is morphing into the next John Galt, a fictional character. Or maybe Prometheus.

Text books used at Rick Santorum’s Home Schooling Seminary:

Everything I need to know I learned from Jerry Falwell
When Bad Things Happen to Straight People
Mean times never last but mean people do
Men are from Mars, Women are from their ribs

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Game Change tout, Tea Party book tout

The more candidates I meet, the more I like my dog! – Blogger.

"When you watch footage of Mitt Romney on the campaign trail in Mississippi and Alabama, he looks like Prince Charles on a royal tour of New Guinea." -- Chris Matthews.

Never thought I would say this. The movie “Game Change” was so well done that I actually felt sympathy pangs for Sarah Palin and her inability to endure what she was going through. One reviewer said different audiences had vastly different viewpoints: in NY, the film was seen as entertainment; in DC, it’s a documentary. You can watch it online here.

Is it too early for a beach book? Try “The Tea Party and the Remaking of Republican Conservatism.” Here’s a nugget: "in general, Tea Party members like Medicare and Social Security, which they think they have earned through their work, but don’t like perceived freeloaders who live off of other peoples’ work.” Obviously, irony is not in their realm of understanding.

Reaction to nasty Goldman Sachs op-ed: “I was a broker for 39 days. I was hauled into the GM's office for failing to put a 75 year old man's life savings into the penny stock flavor of the week. I suggested he perform an anatomical impossibility and quit.” More!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The morning after -- still laughing

These little nuggets were found mostly in the comments on the www:

Stephen Colbert, on Mitt Romney's statement that "You can't drive a car with a windmill on it": "He's right. ... If you put a windmill on top of your car, where does the dog go?"

David Axelrod tweaks: “You know what they say: as America Samoa goes, so goes the nation!"

NBC has pulled their reporter from covering Ron Paul full time. The last embed is gone. With good reason – Dr. Paul has only 47 delegates to date and not a single primary or caucus victory. Septuagenarians still think before they vote.

Jimmy Kimmel : "Rick Santorum yesterday spoke at what they call the Gulf Coast Energy Summit, in Biloxi, Mississippi. And he said, he believes global warming is bogus. And when Rick Santorum speaks about climate science, you listen. Because as you can see here, he looks a lot like a local weather man. Thanks, Rick. Now, here's Newt with sports."

Be sure to read Kathleen Parker‘s Washington Post column, asking whether Mitt Romney would attempt to connect to a Jewish crowd by proclaiming “Oy vey, did I ever enjoy my loxies and bagels this morning!”

Cheesy grits, anyone?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Republicans -- get thee to a closet

The Republican right needs a tune-up. Litmus is leaking everywhere.

And their religious gyroscope tilts way too far to chart a dependable course for victory this November.

But that's the new GOP. Mindless. And shameless.

Religion has become a war cry, no longer a sweetness for the heart nor solace for the soul.

“I’m religious, goddammit. More religious than you.” Is this the blueprint for Babel’s tower?

It was not always thus.

In the Beginning, the Big Guy spoke to Gerald Ford, who said faith "is a personal thing. It's not something one shouts from the housetops or wears on his sleeve."

In the GOP Good Book, Dwight Eisenhower said that while he believed that "our government should be founded in a deeply felt religious belief" he didn't care what the belief was.

George H. W. Bush, The Heretic, said: "I believe strongly in the separation of church and state. I don't believe a president should be advocating a particular denomination, or particular religion."

Before he started burning in Hell, Richard Nixon said he no longer accepted as fact many of the miracles mentioned in the Bible, but expressed admiration for Jesus' message.

But Ronald Reagan did try to re-write the Bible in his own image with that unworkable idea for an Eleventh Commandment.

Lucky for the rest of us – they haven’t got a prayer.

Hat tip to Meredity Bagby, Huffington Post, for digging up the quotes.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy

Some of these items came from comments spinning on the web. And some are products of my own particular warp.

The Tea Party would rather seethe in the dark than change the light bulb, because undeserving people would also benefit from the light.

Glenn Beck crawled out from under his rock to complain that “We're turning our guns on each other,” in the Republican primary. There is no word yet on whether he is still using chalk boards on his radio show.

Newt Gingrich says, “Romney is probably the weakest Republican front runner since Leonard Wood in 1920.” Indeed. But Newt, he’s beating you.

No. It is not true that Calista is married to Caligula no matter how good it feels in your mouth when you say it.

Romney claims to be a newborn son of the south. He says he even likes grits. And he has learned to say “Y’all” in perfect kudzu.

Ron Paul? LOL. Ibid.

But – that leaves us with Rick Santorum. Want some of that?

Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

GOP winners -- still an oxymoron

Nuggets found while mining the comments section on the tangled www:

“Running for president is a very powerful drug.” – Buzzfeed

“We're spending down our savings, not necessarily the best thing to do when you have three kids entering into college in the next couple years.” – Rick Santorum, snob.

Michael Moore quote re GOP elections: "This is a group of clowns. WHO was it that decided to come out against birth control ? Something like 99% of all Americans use it. They would have been better off coming out against meat. At least there are 3 % of Americans who are vegetarian..."

MSNBC's Richard Wolfe on The Ed Show about Sarah Palin and her influence at the GOP convention…"She's in strange relationship with reality.”

GOP humor. Buzzfeed lists these titles that conservatives have suggested for the upcoming Obama documentary:

When Barry Met Sauly
The Lyin' King
Up in the Ayers
You've Got Fail
It Could Have Been Worse

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

GOP jewels of denial

These nuggets were found while mining the comments section where people react to posts on the tangled www:

"Not all Republicans are rich, dress in three-piece suits, and have $200 haircuts.” – Joe the Plumber, now a GOP congressional candidate.

"We're winning. We might not end up with the most votes, but we're winning.” – Rick Santorum

"Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich do not have a path to 1,145 delegates. They would have to win with an enormous percentage of the vote to get anywhere near enough delegates. It is mathematically impossible for either Rick Santorum or Newt Gingrich to get the nomination, no matter what they say.” – Romney staffers

“Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others." – Grouch Marx speaking about politicians.

"Trust me... have I ever lied to you... I mean, recently?... I mean, in the past 5 minutes... OK, the past two... 30 seconds? Work with me here!" – Blogger

“It won’t be over, even when it's over." – Forbes


Monday, March 5, 2012

Political tartare, satire and capers

These nuggets were found while mining the comments section where people react to posts on the tangled www:

“Freedom is the exact distance between church and state.” -- Blogger

“Keep your rosary off of my ovary.” -- Blogger

“Boehner comes out and says, Rush's (slut) language was inappropriate. Using a salad fork for your entree, that's inappropriate… Republican leaders are afraid of Rush Limbaugh. They want to bomb Iran, but they're afraid of Rush Limbaugh.” – George Will

“Bin Laden is dead. General Motors is alive.” -- Blogger

While listening to UP with Cris Hayes on MSNBC, Cris asked who was winning the Republican primaries. The answer from his panelists in unison said "Barack Obama".

“The only race that matters in the long run is the human race.” -- Blogger

Sunday, March 4, 2012

It's your fault -- no, it's your fault

The body count had barely begun before the nasty stuff on-line got started.

I was reading news accounts of the deadly tornado outbreak in the mid-west when, as is my custom, I began reading the comments. By the third post, the reactions had pivoted from concern for the survivors to whether we should hate and blame the left or the right for the storms. Seriously.

Weather tragedy is not political.

We are in trouble as a nation when every goddamn thing becomes political.
Deep trouble.

Try this three-step program:
(1) step back
(2) take a deep breath
(3) now shut up and quit typing

Time for me to follow my own advice.

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