Friday, July 18, 2014

Put your glad rags on

Gas up the jitney; gramma’s going to the state fair.

Lyn Ellen grew this prize zucchini in her little raised garden. It measures 14 inches. And her tomato plants are over six feet. Your results may vary.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Birthday presents for the ex-pats in your life

A Google search for the nearest WHATABURGER scared hell outta me. Saudi Arabia. So I clicked again and this time the answer was Birmingham or Tallahassee. That’s better, but not good enough.

So my sister put together a care package for Lyn Ellen’s birthday present. The mustard and ketchup were easy -- on sale at the groceries back in Texas.

It was the buns that posed the problem. For some reason, WHATABURGER no longer sells just buns. We were turned down last year in Oklahoma and the panhandle.

My sister’s secret?

She walked in, she asked for the manager, and then she cried.

And she walked out of the burger joint with four buns and overnighted them to us in N. Carolina. Lawd.

Next month, we’re talking brisket and pork chops from Coopers.

Friday, July 11, 2014

In the cool, cool, cool of the evening

My age and my wine consumption dictate the need for a more stable drinking platform. So our front porch is getting a facelift. The home-did stack rock and mortar was nice looking but a tad shaky.

To get started, get four strong guys, a jackhammer, a crow bar and a pickup truck. Then turn ‘em loose and stand back. Sure, they get a little crazy but what red-blooded guy doesn’t like busting rocks with a sledge.

Three hours later and there’s no going back. Monday, the new decking arrives. If this porch job goes well, I'll get the price for a facelift for me. Jowls and a minivan make it tough to be cool.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Little rescue dog returns the favor

We’re each nearly a hundred and I’ve worried from time to time what would happen if something happened to one of us while working in the yard when the other was inside.

Today, we found out thanks to Bitsy, our mini-Dachshund, who did her job.

Lyn Ellen was outside messing with the fish pond. I was in the house playing with the computer when Bitsy started barking.

Repeatedly. Urgently.

I immediately recognized her alarm as her “Timmy’s in the well” bark. I jumped from my easy chair and ran (almost) to the back door – just in time to see a soaking wet Lyn Ellen scrambling onto dry land. She had slipped on one of the decorative rocks and tumped feet first into the pond.

Lots of things could have gone wrong – she could have hit her head and lost consciousness, she could have broken her hip, she could have grabbed the electrical wire for the pump, she could have … well, you get the picture. Fortunately, the stress did not cause either of our pacemakers to fire off.

Only her pride was injured. Nothing a warm bath and a cool glass of wine won’t fix. Whew.

Tonight, we’re taking Bitsy to Sonic.

Friday, July 4, 2014

One ringy dingy...

I like to think I’m smart enough to understand how to use all the bells and whistles on my new iPhone. But I’m not.

So we signed up for the how-to class right after paying for the phones. The next morning, nine of us were waiting at the door. Each of us north of 70.

The young man teaching the class was slow and patient, a double blessing. First question: “How do you turn it off?” That set the tone. We were open in our ignorance.

Finally someone asked: “Where can I buy a manual?”

The young man’s response was astonishing: “Nobody makes manuals anymore. These phones are too complicated. The book would be too thick. Today, we use the Q&A technique. If you have a problem, get in the search mode, ask your question and the answer should pop up.”

Nobody makes manuals anymore! It has finally happened. Technology has outrun human understanding. And how do you get in the search mode?

I’ve got a question: What time do the bars open in N. Carolina?

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